peep this !!!
 

this was the drop i did last week for the topical contest here t didn't win and i still want feed back so tell me what you think

Doc we need your help it’s a shot victim/
Shit I say running to the e.r see the body “ damn how many times did they hit him”/
Swear I can see part of the stretcher through some of the holes in him/
“we gonna have to operate to get the shells outta him”/
Gas him open him and start this operation/
After two hours he’s alright for the night but more operating is what he’s facin/
An early start four in the morning against the clock we’re chasin/
He needs a new lung and now removing the old one/
A sneeze cut to long a flat line his heart beat’s gone/
Thinking he’s done already start thinking bout the funeral song/
A beat’s back and we continue now trying to repair the long cut/
The nurse bends over to get a pair of scissors I lose focus and now just wanna bust a nut/
It’s all over he made it start wrappin him up like king tut/
The nurse wheels him out looking down at the table “shit!!”/
The new lung’s still here I hear the patent scream in a fit/
Chase out there it’s to late he’s covered in his own bloody spit/
Confusion in court facin me practice and I’m losin/
Not in jail but in hell dependant now on my boozin/
If I paid attention it wouldn’t of happen /
My lesson in this is that one mistake causes a bad chain reaction/
The events in which there’s no real escapin/

uppin this come on don't sleep

pretty good cat, ya flow kinda got jumble in the middle n toward the end but not bad keep spittin shit n peep my ish playa.

uppin my shit

I LIKED THIS GOD

I liked the whole idea of this and it was working very well, I jus thought you shoulda and coulda developed it into something a lot more extreme... Everything was working, the imagery was hott, nice storyline, a minor twist on the end, but you shoulda made it more dramatic and put some emotion in it... Multies and rhythm was on point, and the flow didnt seem choppy, all smooth and easy ta picc up... More metaphors mighta hepled you get a deeper side to it, but I liked some of this ish I was reading and ya showed a mass potential, it was real, detailed and enjoyable... Keep elevating man...

Peez...

uppin for the last time

dope.... word up dawg this is a good piece but ya kinda got me confused in the middle by switchin the story roun'
dat's aight though.... nice rhymes and lines....pz

uppin one last time

Damn, tha whole flow was brilliant...i really enjoyed this piece...

Great flow man, u stayed oin topic at all times...

keep up tha good work yeah..

take care

Peace n god bless

yea wernt bad alot of fuckin mad imagery puttin me off my food but still worked to the topic. vocab a bit simple but the flow worked well so it shouldnt matter.