Onenderz
 

this is my first poem




why does it seem with each day going by i feel the need to rely?...
wondering what to cry about next, death, or expect a girl to deny...
hopin some how my life turns around, binded, mind seems taped up...
hopes to look better, cover faces with makup, whens my next break up?...
acception is the first step to a new direction, will i eventually shape up?...
depression is infection millions, sypmtoms start seeming all too familiar...
trying to find that ONE seems impossible, lifes a joke, this aint a thriller...
lost 2 friends this month, suicide and car accidents, infecting this heart...
like NELLY said its happenin over and over again, but this is just the start...
parted from those dearest to me, trying to cope, findin it hard to survive...
im man enough to say i cried, death is harsh, more when ya knew who died...
striving to not break down, cant hide my feelings, asked why the frown...
now i have to replay those thoughts again, you now know why im down...
everything is adding up, from one thing to the other, its all life's plunders...
not exactly positive thoughts, the cost is how im always left to wonder...


everyhting said in that is true.....i dont feel any need to hide or lie to you people..poetry is reflection of feelings....so here you all go

Very good. I feel for you man. You had a lot to say. Very compacted. A bit unpolished, but that is okay. You were putting out thoughts as you thought of them. Only thing that could be improved is to make it longer and more thought out. I liked it. Good.
P.S. The avatar is distracting when I am getting into the poem.

what do you mean by unpolished??..lol i guess ima have to get a new avy then
thanks for the feedback.....much appreciated
peace~1

upin leme see some more feedback!!
peace~1

come on ppl lets get some more feedback on hte please......peace~1