th@ next gre@t Ch@mp
 

when i release my fucking demo to the streets
all the shit you came up with will soon be deceased
rest in peace/ at least i got some jewels
my name chew now it's time for a gathering feast
I'll eat you up til the very last piece foo
I from the east but im chillin in Phili
i'm the beast from the sixth dimension
messin with chicks but never ever dicks
stand up to the man & man up to the pricks
egging you on/ always talking shit behind your back
you're a bitch you couldnt cop a beat
sounding like a wimpering dog in heat
put some meat on your bones your too sturdy
your stalloned like sylvester, what u pushin birdies?
I aint detonated shit so just relax
smoke a joint mothafucker i'm down with that
cheat me again & i'll creep you like a cat
sneak up from behind; put a twister on your back
the rap game contains alot of stages
with contagious rhymes like this i'll be rocking out for ages
in the meantime you'll be starving
while i'm charming the world with freshness so alarming
face it you aint no thug
you're crying out for :help: bitch still begging for a hug
I'll collaborate all of my assumptions
about you, know does that tell you something
you're a fruit mothafucker you ain't functioning properly
looking at me awkwardly like eminem
dude i'm about to stab this fuckin knife right in,,/ your heart
so don't start or i'll pull it right out and do it again!!
thats how much damage I can do with a pen
lounging at the casino with a couple of friends
Hells not an option but it all depends
if the angels accept me
don't decept me i'm riding on my chopper
lines like these prove i'm a heart stopper
i'll crush you like the Bopper
big poppa does it proper
hit you with brass rings and things made out of copper
I have a gift it's frightening, i've never been sighted
my swiftness led to AK White Lightning
why do people fight against a power so mighty?
time to go to sleep byotch nighty nighty!!
I'm sorry about the abrupt ending but
It's time 4 these corrupt wannabe's to would quit pretending

PEACE :shoot:

looking at the title of this i could swear you directed this towarwd's me. Did you?

If it isnt i will give you some feed.If it is ..eh.

THis ain't directed at you i dont even know who the fuck you are!!!
At first I thought it was decent but it could probably use editing
ANY IDEAS: Drop me the lines youd take out and what youd replace it with
or at least rate this thread Please!!! :shoot:

ok.

first of all make the font size normal. doing this will gte your bar's readable and make it easier on the eye's.

2-I'll eat you up til the very last piece foo
I from the east but im chillin in Phili
i'm the beast from the sixth dimension
....not one hard hitting rhyme in these line's.

3-your topic is played. Self glorification isnt good unless done in a crazy style that no 1 can match. I have seen this level of skill all the time. So boasting bout yourself isnt really your privledge(yet).

4- why do people fight against a power so mighty?
time to go to sleep byotch nighty nighty!!
..........this line isnt good at all. it seem's more like a filler than anything. Plus with it being at the end of your drop it should be one of the strongest rhyme's in it . just so you finish with somthing hard hitting.

5-stand up to the man & man up to the pricks
egging you on/ always talking shit behind your back
you're a bitch you couldnt cop a beat..
............talking behind peoples back is the meaning of bitch. so these line's downgrade your drop.

I am in no way hating at all. I am just stating the fact's. I didnt fel one thing in this drop. maybe because of your topic choice.
try picturing someone's situation and putting yourself in it then writing about it.
for instance some one just found there family member dead.
get more tech with your rhyme's.read one man band's multi tutorial.

pz

Fuck you man but hey at least you left an honest opinion so thanx for that; I kinda knew where it was hurting but you shoulda drop some replacement lines dogg!!
Yeah I know that had no direct topic just a bunch of rambling, but 2pac is only one who would write his lyrics up in like 10 minutes. But ya I see your point; i'm fairly new to this so it's a process!!! Why you got me blacklisted?? wtf did I do I wouldn't diss someone in my thread unless they somehow got under my skin but thats not likely to happen or if we wanted to do it for fun, also the person i dissed would have to be much better than me so people would start comparing me to him as i get better

-I havent got you blacklisted-

chew ur slackin' off!wat happened.ur better than that.don't reverse the "PROCESS"..............6/10.thats only cause i know u really didn't try here.stop playin' around and show rv wat ur really workin' with.stay up chew.