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..Inner Thoughts....
Allow me 2 replace that roll of Affection allow my Reculections 2 fullfill ya Satisfaction pure pain and remorse revealing every Source If heartbreak is Payment 4 luv? Then love is sumthin i truely can no longer Afford Your family grows ungratefull Luvers Unfaithfull And your Best friends are no long UnrelateTable But my nerves Expand upon till Unshakeable And my Heart Grows to the point of Unbreakable The Individuals you Truest Become UnDatetable Allow me 2 provide this Food for Thought No longer will any of my Emotions stay Fought Never will i allow 2 Expose what im truely Bout Once my Emotional Healing Well became a Drout i may be very well of a distance from Perfection but guarranteed in the moment of need i provide Affection Unfoucsed on the true goalz of life Living UnProtected Inner Deptiual Testimonies have grew 2 UnNeglected and the game of Trust have grown into Unprotected and my True Inner Feelings have been Unprotested Eventually my Heart and Trust will become Undestructable But until that moment my Heart and Soul will Stay Untouchable |
Can tell you haven't done poetry before, pretty basic drop
some lines seemed a bit forced don't like that in poetry. It wasn't to bad just keep writing. 1~ |
thanx im jus startin this shit
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it seemd as if there were a few times where ya meant one thing but typed sum'n else....like in line #10 (you'll see what i mean)...i agree with critic... some of it seemed a bit forced at time but there were moments where the emotion of what you were tryna get out shined through:
If heartbreak is Payment 4 luv? Then love is sumthin i truely can no longer Afford that's a really good line with strong emotion in it... Eventually my Heart and Trust will become Undestructable But until that moment my Heart and Soul will Stay Untouchable ok...the emotion was felt here and it was a good way to end the piece but ya had a lot of words prior to this ending with -able... it kinda took away from ya drop and made it seem "basic" as critic put it lots of potential here... keep writing... it's the only way to get better Peep the sig and return the favor...one |
You have the imagery and emotional factor, and your vocabulary is great, you stayed on topic as well as delivering the feelings all throughout this poem, i would love it if you kept dropping, because you have such a potential in this area to write unbelievabley dope pieces, great job for the first drop.....1
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4 sho thanx 4 some of the positive and negative
ya gone make me better in this field but uppin this |
agree, u're pretty good to be just startin', Troop, but it does need work, who doesn't.. but it's known that u have potential, u already got text on lock, a lil' work and u'll do the same in poetry, lookin' forward to see your other works, get at ya girl :thumbup:
pz.. |
Hell yeah Troop reppin poetic style.... uppin famoziez.
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upppin this.....
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OMFG! damn man i cnt c no mistakes in dat poem, damn if i didnt know u hadnt wrote poetry b4 i wuld think u was a proffessional poet,da constant rymin really adds 2 da enjoyment of da poem............. keep it up......... u real gud at it
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Good lookin out on the luv
Uppity Upp |
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