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it's winter
this i posted on 2 other sites,so ima post it here too
Its Winter dark sky's...with chill's flowing into my spine leaves falling and love is the only warmth in this heart of mine every time i breath a cloud of steamy smoke uplifts from my mouth with my cold tender lips...... trying not to get sick....40 degrees i mainly stay inside my hut warm and comfortable with a fire going and my eyes shut but...dreaming of hot summer days at the beach watching the sun setting then i woke up under my blanket straight sweating go out side,man its oftly cold fingers numb like an elderly man feeling old i got a headache as i look upon my snowy grass rain starts to drip,then starts to poor really fast at last i must admit i am not to fond of this weather you must dress extremly warm instead of tank tops and leather and try and avoid the flu.... which really there's absolutely nothing you can do about it .....but to do your best to avoid the coldness mainly the ages that suffer mostly is the people with oldness but in a few months there is one positive thing and thats the fact that things dry up...because its spring |
o hey valor i thought u was GONE but nice here good expression and good flow mayne keep doing it............word
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This was a good poem, your vocabulary was very descriptive and the imagery was there too, lol, i hate waking up in the morning in the winter and starting my car....its pure hell...but i love snow, it loooks beautifull on the trees, but yea, nice poem, ...1
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Im uppin this..
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nice poem.. i like the topic most people don't talk about seasons, ur word usage was nice, meaning vocab.. i like ur imagery.. you did a good job on this. even tho u said it was from another time u wrote it, it's still got a good affect right now.. so nice job, Valor.. see ya around pz..
Lady Fiya |
uppin again.....
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this was a nice poem. i especially liked the first 2 lines. very imaginative and descriptive. i appreciate the structure the way you worked from one sentence to the next. good work. return the favour on my open mic.
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werd uppin this
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I Deserve A Poet Award
Just That Dope |
uppin this shit
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this is gay like all your other poems you are not nice at all you suck at poetry your imagery is brash and too forward you eave notihing to the imagination you poems are childish but you dickriders will tell you its great good imagery lmfao you imagery is basic like i said you should really stop claiming to be a good poet cuz without your dickriders you would never go anywhere in life try a real open mic for spoken word garunteeded you wont make it nowhere and thats real true story
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hmmmm... this seems like you wrote it a while back... i don't know... it seems pretty simple and direct... i guess it was ok... not the best piece i've read... not the worst either ... i like a little bit more complexity and imagery with this type of topic... there is so much more you can do and so many words you can use to describe the seasons... this coulda been a much better piece if ya woulda took more time with it... one
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lol
funny hating on my pure talent |
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