Puke all over you
 

Could somebody write somethin intelligent//
bust flows out ya bitch like shes pregnant//
keep writin shit that dont make sense//
but i guess thats why yall on here, ya just too dense//
follow the sequence//I tell a story straight//
quit actin like gays an talkin bout' pushin weight//
i dont give a shit if ya from the street//
go back to beating ya meat before ya meet tha heat//
ya shits cold, preheat, its offbeat and weak//
diss me cuz ya insecure//
learn how to rhyme heres a brochure take a tour//
get cocked blocked to rock start now stop//
get chopped like crops you get swaped im HOT//
crack cocaine in ya brain i came to bring the pain//
rain in ya mainframe like heroin to veins//
mind strained yaself an left a stain//
whack ya back wit tacks im sidetracked to black//
im outah here cuz time aint worth you hacks//
puke all over ya crews in twos wit my rap debut//
you snoozed i think it fits wear the shoes//



freestyle.......get off my dick

uhg...
"Could somebody write somethin intelligent//
bust flows out ya bitch like shes pregnant"
^thats like the only line of n e type of caliber miniscul in fact

overall this wan't nothing glamerous...just rhymed a for the most part keep uppin yaself yo!...Pz

rhymin is the key on this piece......i was readin alot of crap that didnt even rhyme or make sense and i kinda felt like writing somethin that didnt make sense to go along with the reocurring theme here on rapverse.com however i made it rhyme a lil bit more........not tryin to be glamerous on a keystyle either but thanks for the feedback

asleeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppp

im not feelin this. it was too basic. u need to plan ya verses better and put more thought into them. work on ya structure and vocab. i see u were trying to rhyme, well u accomplished that but as far as quality goes this was poor. no hate.

this is basic, but enjoyable to read. you need to read omb's multi tutorial. That will show you the basic way to write more complex ryhme's.
Overall this peice is simple, but you have plenty of time to elevate.
.
pz

would u rather me tell u you suck? i gave u constructive criticism. its not my problem if u get n cut n cry but dont post hate in my threads!

LOL i aint postin hate son...........just sayin dont contsructively criticize me for something you do.............kind of hypocritical if you ask me