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-   -   PayDay is back with a lil something..."Erruptions" give me feedback...~1~ (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=160920)

PayDay 11-18-04 02:43 PM

PayDay is back with a lil something..."Erruptions" give me feedback...~1~
 
(Hook) 2x
I’m Last emcee stand-in, taking chains
Chronic flowin rhymes throughout ya veins
Killing you wit my ill chillin verbs
Brand-in ya ass wit eva lasting words


Verse 1

its respect we gain in this game//
For one ounce of fame//
Writing rhymes that flow like magma//
My volcanic tongue violently spits//

While Smoking herbs//
pumpin my blood in reverse//
Possessing a dangerous thirst//
Its got me Flyin high on Dracula’s curse//

Layin in a hearse I’m forever cursed//
I’m immortally writin ill chillin verses//
While yellin “Fuck You Bitches”//
Punchlines itch at my throat//

My gears got me churnin to learn//
My thoughts bubble and burn//
To the hospital I will send you rushin//
My blistering words are gush-in//

It’s the future so look past//
To the future through clear glass//
Eye sights cloudy with a large brain//
Staying higher than a 747 jet plane//

So be quick to think duckin the knuckles buck//
Fists violently swinging, screamin out OH FUCK//
With Bloody rains in the air weak eyes calmly stare//
Sirens in the midst lights glowing, and the bright lights glare//

And I’m givin a fuck for luck//
Steppin to this will get you stuck//
like Muddy knees you’re the roots of the tree//
Buzzin words like there are 1,000 bee’z//

But see, theres to many fees//
To many bullets flyin in threes//
To many Playin copy cat like it was tha past//
Thinking it’s cool to let autos blast//

But you can’t really fuck wit me//
I carry more toys than “Toys R’ Us”//
And they aint plastic --- but I zap like static//
I will leave you dead and erratic in a dark ass attic//

(Hook) 2x
I’m Last emcee stand-in, taking chains
Chronic flowin rhymes throughout ya veins
Killing you wit my ill chillin verbs
Brand-in ya ass wit eva lasting words

Verse 2

Whose as ghetto as me//
With the words I speak so freely//
Got me praying to god religiously//
With no one else I can trust but me//

The more I talk the more I cuss//
With greater chance to hear a gun bust//
I aint no pussy and that you can trust//
My words are lethal next to lust//

And I know you see me rappin//
With a beat while my feet is tappin//
With my hunger and pain so insane//
The look in my eyes proves I aint playin//

And you think I am full of it//
I am out there making it//
Making my cash, without sellin stash//
Not worrying about who finishes last//

Im JonJon I was built to last//
That guy you fear at flags half staff//
That sharp pain in your ass//
The stain ya get when you don’t wipe ya ass//
(Im the shit) LOL

And I’m going to be here forever//
The mind I poses is oh so clever//
I keep it full of knowledge on life//
Keeping it gangsta wit trillion cut ice//

my thoughts copy to the papers lines//
Writing the pain throughout the years//
Explaining why I have so many tears//
To the many-many piers that I have//

Keep ya head up, and never give up//
Life is too short to hold back//
You got to get them paper stacks//
This goes out to everyone struggling//


That is a lil something i did a while back, that i didnt realize i had wrote...give me some feedback...tell me wat i need to work on...wat u like...rate me...do watever, juss give feedback...and i will return...~1~

PayDay 11-18-04 02:44 PM

Uppin for that feedback...HOLLA

*GHOSTE* 11-18-04 02:55 PM

this shit was tite...i liked it...i give it a 8.5/10...keep droppin yo...

PayDay 11-18-04 02:59 PM

thanks for tha feedback homie...still uppin for more...~1~

~Lady Fiya~ 11-18-04 03:05 PM

this was not bad, welcome back PayDay............................................ . u need to up ur vocab slightly, but the flow was straight... good job.
pz..

Loveliss Grandz 11-18-04 04:50 PM

Flow Was Tight.feelin' This Drop............8.5/10 Keep Em Comin'

PayDay 11-18-04 05:33 PM

thanks lady fiya, and grandz for tha feedback...good look...still uppin for feedback...~1~

PayDay 11-18-04 08:57 PM

UPPIN for some feedback...i will return the favor...~1~

DrasticMeasureZ 11-18-04 08:59 PM

my boi is backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkkkkkk

PayDay 11-18-04 09:14 PM

Oh Yea Mayn...i Am Back...a Little Wiser, Stronger, And Sucka Free...holla At Me Dogg...~1~

DrasticMeasureZ 11-18-04 09:39 PM

Enough Said Drop An Try Out I Know What U Can Do Mayne

But I Wanna See That "stronger" Word

Put That Shit In Play Homie

B. Magik 11-19-04 05:32 PM

Wow...no doubt a nice piece...really feelin this new style of yours...really nice dawg...holla at me so we can get a collab or sumthin goin on...aight homie...nice shit...1

Ysdat 11-19-04 05:59 PM

nice drop. Try stretching your line's out a bit more. You have some nice rhyme's in this, but I feel they could be a bit more tech.
good drop.keep them coming
return the feed
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=161070

PayDay 11-20-04 10:57 AM

thanks for tha feedback MAGIK and fi-del...and ure right fi-del...i started to record this shit, and it isnt flowing on beat right...it needs more words in each bar...i am workin on that right now...still uppin yalll...i will return tha favor...~1~

PayDay 11-21-04 12:06 AM

upppin peeps...let me know wat yall think


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