Like Toy SOldiers (RV Mixtape 1.5) verse 1
 

this is for the Rv Mixtape thing....... this is the first verse im writin for it (hopefully one of them will be put on) im pretty happy wit it...... but theres like one part it hink i fall off the beat.. Hope yall enjoy.. i didnt make and effects or any added to my voice, cuz i heard that they didnt want us too, so it is how i recorded it....

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/1/o...galantmusic.htm

Lyrics:
(some of the things im about to type i dont say right now, but im changin it to that)

The battle wages on, but im thinkin can we handle it?
Honestly, dont be scared and just abandon it
We outa be strong, as long as it straightens out
So juss stick wit wat u believe in, and leave all the hatin out
but some of us go crazy, and lately ive been hurtin
learnin its a long "road" to perfect on earth and ive been "swurvin"
in and out of the road, not told which way to go
to follow with the flow, or "fuck it" and make my own
so i sed juss "fuck it", and my luck went flyin up out the "window"
and its simple, u coulda been from "heaven", and still put thru "hell" from wat ive been through*
knowledge precedes succes, all my "success" was lost
wanted to blow out my brains, but my senses knew it had been gone
from my decisions in the past, yd i try at goin back
to her, and back to there, im tryna become a man**
but its hard, im tryna stare at my shadow in the dark
Darkness befalls us all wen it parts us from our heart
its just a part o life, she cheated but i was blamed
I broke apart, thats why im writin this shit today
I "fell", and felt like, "throwin in the towel"
Or wrap it around u.... and choke the SHit up out u
But now im comin to my senses, no more tensions and im feelin
better in the world, now that this gurl, aint in my fuckin feelings
So juss follow with the chorus, dont ignore it, react
Cuz i did, "step by step" i left, never comin back

*do u think my flow gets weird with that line???? im thinkin about takin out the "and its simple" even tho its a multi... wat ya think???

**u think i fall off the beat right here??? cuz i think i do, but im never good at figurin out wats wrong wit my shit

*listening*

I plan to also do this song, so I hope you're good.....lol. Lyrics and flow are cool, but you could really use some emotion and help with the quality. I thought this was supposed to be the political song.....oh wait, this is the learning track isn't it. Umm.....my advice to you is to redo the verse and put some emotion into it, just try spitting a little bit louder....actually a lot louder, then send me your vocals......vocals only, no beat. I'll doctor them up a little for you :thumbup:

u mean rerecord it??? not rewrite it, right??? yea ok.... ill do that..... i keep on recordin real late at night cuz thats the only time its real quite and i have time to actually record.. aight thanx

Yeah....re record, not rewrite :thumbup:

You Weren't Even Assigned This Song....So Why Are You Composing It??

No ONe Was Assigned SOngs Yet..

~R~

its ok but i dont think you suit tha beat but lyricz are ok flows not to bad but you do go off beat some of tha time but apart from tha itz not bad good job i also plan to do a remix of this track so we can all compare

nice ahh feedback?????? did u listen to it man?

I Just Listened To It...

My Feedback: Wow I've Never Heard The Beat To This Song Before but Its Wack..

Your Quality Is Scratchy, Vocals Are Too High For The Beat's Volume Level.

Use A P-Pop (Search Online For It), Also....Put Some Emotion Into Your Shit, Lyrics Are Good, But You Need To Elevate The Flow and Quality.

Just Keep Recording and Flowing On Da Beat Till You Got That Shit Down.

~R~

Hmm...it was a'ight...R was right about the volume of your voice compared to the beat...flow was okay, you do need som more emotion...just out of curiosity, where did you find that beat?

^^^ arent u suppose to be dead..... naw but i juss searched on limewire for it...... u mean my voice is too high???? like not that the vocals were loud.... aight ill switch that shit.... i notice my voice gets real high wen i try and rap or go kinda fast sometimes..... nice feedback.... ill juss keep recordin this shit untill it has enough emotion and the flow is nice, since no one thinks the lyrics are bad

ayo FuxJustAWord battle me playa or callab

u wanna collab??? sure, on wat???

any beat you wont any topic you wont your choose

IVe heard a few people rip on this beat... shits hott tho...

Voice is iight... You seem like u aint really into what your sayin.. Should show a bit more energy especially on this beat.... Flow is def on except for the few times... u rush ya shit when u got to many words in the bar.... Overall shit is decent.. Keep workin on it.. 1

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=160798

Peep that when u got time. 1

aight thanx...... hopin for sum more constructive criticism