A Topical Verse
 

topic : betrayal

ok here we go first time at a topical


sitting be the park embarking on exploring each others skin...
finish from starting to release my seed from ur mouth's brim...
cringe at the fact i cant change the mistakes made in the past...
at last ive found the girl in possesion of my world, love is vast...
crafted me into the man i remain to be even after faults made...
crave the love and tenderness of your touch, high class grade...
pave the path for you to walk and bought you eveything you want...
months gone by and its expected that ive been lettin you lunch...
fronted and got me wantin my dick in your cunt and realize somthin...
you refrained from taking the pill seen you pale and steadily munchin...*
rushin you to the hospital cuz the time is almost due for our child...
mildy nervous waitin but i grow impatient and im stationed a while...
pedophiles of men sitting next to me and increasing my fears...
hear the doctor calling me back, im emotionally strought, in tears...
leer into your eyes and steer them towards our baby's beauty...
truely a moment i wont forget because my love goes to fewly...
move me with your words but you never knew i was a groupie...
i have had my mistakes but it was way before we became mates...
stating my past is another aspect of trust im just tryin to relate...*
fake tries of lies are told by your eyes and tone that you speak...
discretely showin anguish and manage to have the truth leaked...
reddend my cheeks from tears of the only thing ive ever feared...
steered off the path i once had paved and took and shifted gears...
peer into my eyes and percieve the hate i have so get to steppin...
lettin another man in our relationship....
.....................aint gettin played but you caused my armageddon...





* pale from morning sickness(throwin up)
*relate as in to narrate or tell





this was used in my topical battle vs R-Rated which he no showed :shocked:
so i figrued i'd make it an OM so i can get feed on how my first topical was....
so critique it please and be honest so hate if you have to

:thumbup:

peace~1

nice man, keep doin ya thing definately feelin this...first topical too overall 9/10 flow was excellent and the whole verse jus stayed fresh

peace

thanks man uppin fo more feed on this....i know i left a return link so return the feed already and stop sleepin

i was feelin the topic...the flow and structure were flawless...the metas...and the emotion was too...i like the fact that u rapped about the relationship first...then went into the betrayal...overall i give it a 9.9999999999999999/10...nice drop for ya first topical...~1~...

thanks man uppin for more feed on this thread!!!

lets go stop sleepin
peace~1