In The Club~!
 

Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed Bitches

Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigiht Bitches Feed Iam Out

what fffffffffeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddd word 8/wo homie lets collab or something

Nice Drop Coz This Was Good Shit Vocabulary And Structure 8.5/10

da shit is going on audio mayne...........but i need an beat?..........anyone? getting my mic next month woot woot~!

Man this structures different to anything i've witnessed...lemme break it down...

Dirty south that’s where iam reppin , u be walking in the club but watch where u steppin
/\ good beginning nice intro

Got an drink in yo hand watch what u spillin , looking at an girl but watch what ur eyes lookin
/\ nice bar

A club is like an playground for thugs , start an problem and get yo body smelling like armpit musk
One fist be swong and things get erupt , niggas don’t need an gun to start shit get them bottles throwed up
/\ Nice bar feelin the rhyming

U can catch me smoking an blaunt , my eyes be daz, go to sleep with my eyes in the back of my head
Don’t mess with a niggas while he getting high , he’ll point that pistol out , u’ll have an dot on yo head
/\ Word nice rhyme there flows good

Bitches getting push on the floor get there nails broken then u’ll hear an shout-OH HELL NO U DIDN’T
that’s when the cat fight erupts , bitches get bitch slapp , get there face scratch lip get bloody……… split
/\ can't see a rhyme here but i see a slight rhyme in didn't and split...but only slight

When my niggas get into fights anything goes , we can do it by throwing dem slugs on the dance floor
Or get some pocket knifes , get stuck , get rush , take some blow’s to the ab leave that nigga paralyze on the flo
/\ different way to rhyme there...feelin it though

See me I don’t worry about dem niggas cause I be at the higher level getting an free lap dance in the v.I.p.
/\ no real rhyme connection here

Bitch stroking her ass on my dick , drinking an vokah mixx with rum, catch an head sprung on my dick~!
Go the lower level everything calmed down , out the door I go with an stripper bitch getting me an free lic
Put her in my car , we ride down on the 95 highway , she sucking my dick all wrong OUT THE CAR U GO BITCH~!
/\ Dope closer here nice

Overall
This was a unique piece the rhyming is...well...different but cool but the structure it held i feel let you slip on a couple of lines rhyme wise flowed well but structure stretched ya need to work on that...and a bit of vocab advice...A & AN are used this way...A Girl, A patch etc...if ur gonna use AN it has to be before a vowel (A, E, I. O, U) An Apple, An Orange, An Oscar award...you use A before a constantant remember that it'll up ya vocab coz u only use An and it fucks up the vocab coz it's not always in the right place...i'd give this a 7/10 it was a good club piece...nice drop :thumbup:

yo u can tell iam from tha country...........howdy yall...........nice to meet ya.........hope u got yo boots ready to go galloping..................werd

iam black and run a farm.............porkchops anyone?

this drop was aight.G.S.S. was right tho'."an" fuked up the read.still an o.k. drop tho'.
keep em comin'

this was dope multis used well but try shortening your lines and keep the multis like 6-13 sylables thats what i do...unlees there short words...you know..flowed better and looks better but good otherwise becuz you used the multi good this was good drop take my advice and drop another fast so i can read it to

nice drop man lemme knwo what u think im new so hook me up with some feed http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=162167