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Untitled.....check it...
The world changing minds racin.//
Through time its just fast pacin.// Can't even slow down to enjoy the scene.// To busy ready bustin on someones Rhyme Scheme.// But the world aint full of Eminems.// Filled with anger and sit and rhyme with a pen.// Maybe they the type to sit and contemplate.// The people around them before they associate.// Their name with someone elses game.// Because they could get dogged or could get fame.// Shinin out tryin to spread the Glory.// But this the same iish, we've heard the story.// Which one you want the pregnant girl.// Or do you wanna try the dead gangsta for a swirl.// Either way it heads in tha same direction.// The community denies these stories for their own protection.// To scared to try and give help.// But if you were in theri situation, lets see how you felt.// |
nice...good insite. nice folw to it....good shit
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hey...
yea i just hope some otha peeps reply to it...b/c i never get replies..but i'm always checkin their mess out..much luv..God bless..1...
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nice flow u need to elevate u got nice style .....holla at my work to...
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This is nice, I think the message you were displaying is clear and has a good meaning, it was jus simplistic... The rhyme scheme was a simple 1,2... It had good multies and some internal rhymes, but ya need to play with your style, something more complex, original and personal... The wordplay was aight, metaphors come nice, gave a sense of deepness to the piece and it was nice to read... I liked what you were trying to say, jus up the vocab and add more power into your lines, you need to say something so say it... I think this is a decent flow with a good concept, you jus gotta sharpen up on a coupla things... Keep spitting and elevating, you got mass potential...
Peez... |
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bringin the respect
nice peace babe, it was tight as hell....
"But the world aint full of Eminems.// Filled with anger and sit and rhyme with a pen.// Maybe they the type to sit and contemplate.// The people around them before they associate.//"--that was the best... as usual i give you respect for this piece... good job! ~TiK |
- The world changing minds racin.//
- Through time its just fast pacin.// Nice opening. Digging the flow. - To scared to try and give help.// - But if you were in theri situation, lets see how you felt.// And a good ending. Too much filler in the middle. But tight drop. |
hey....
thanks for tha comments...this piece was just a lil something....and i'm tellin ya'll i dont got tha skillz.....but oh well i'm still tryin..much luv..God bless..1..
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It was definitely nice to see the sincerity and emotional freedom that this piece construed. You could use some better vocab and in the middle you kind of jumped and lost us.
2Versatile |
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