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-   -   Jmsbnd07655 vs (x) CeEd (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=162752)

(X)eed 11-29-04 12:02 AM

Jmsbnd07655 vs (x) CeEd
 
Battle Rules:

6 - UNLIMITED Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting
Topical - Violence

Minimum posts to vote: 20

Check in by: 12-03-04 at 12:02 AM

Must drop verse in 7200 minutes after check in.

Closed... old battle win

System 11-29-04 12:02 AM

(x) CeEd has ACCEPTED this battle on 11-29-04 12:02 AM.

(X)eed 11-29-04 03:18 AM

hey yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11accept dawg cmon i wasted alll my battle creditz on this battle............................................ .......

System 11-30-04 07:51 AM

jmsbnd07655 has ACCEPTED this battle on 11-30-04 07:51 AM.

J.D 11-30-04 07:52 AM

sorry bout this man, my comps fucked at the moment, nd i cant go on rv for that long, but ye i'll battle u anywayz. peace

J.D 11-30-04 07:52 AM

this is my first topikal aswell so my verse mite not be as gud as my other stuff

(X)eed 12-01-04 02:35 AM

I cry at night & wake up the next morning thinkin this shit's gone,
Turn on the television, my bad the shit is still on,
I wish by the end of tomorrow, the sorrow would end,
Stop the yellin' killin' wishin' they'd all go to hell,
Lookin' at at the news the reporter speaks:
"In Baslam 5 kids are injured and 2 are asleep"
Hate the lies, despize the way Bush keeps his army marchin'
while Bin laden blows up his next target laughin',
Coughin'..... to many bodies and a lack of Coffins,
they say we should love our country but this shit wants me to Cock it,
whlie they kill and walk around freely wit' guns in their Pockets,
The questions of "WHY"
plague me deep inside but in my mind
I find its so dispicalbe

to see Bush'es alone type Democracy
he plays wit' Warheads like a Mockery
He said "America all lives by Honesty"
I'd rather be president he lacks the quality

Its so Reckless
"Good Mornin' people 5 are held hostage" now i cant eat breakfast
What the fuck do they want our INTEGRITY
the last thing im losin is my Dignity

(X)eed 12-03-04 03:26 AM

hey yo...............spit man cmon

J.D 12-03-04 06:44 PM

Yo, this world has gotten out of control with violence
Im writing these lyrics to make it all unfold with silence
We got these gangs patrolling like the crips and bloodz
From then on its just warfare, the world gets surrounded with thugs
Many people believe that this is just a game of surviving in life
We got these people bustin ak’s and mack ten’s every night
It may seem crazy but some people cant tell that it aint right
To start beef on anyone willin to put up a fight
Yo, this aint a beautiful sight
Blood oozing, its sometimes a confusion, why these people cant jus aim for the light
One of the main problems in this world is terrorism
People putting you in danger, life or death, pressured to make hard decisions
Violence is a part of hip-hop though
NAS bein an old thug and fabulous an old crip livin life and getting the dough
Gangsters blow up in your face, and start bustin their rounds
When there’s some unknown civilian infiltrating their ground
You gotta know livin life in the ghetto is hard
You could get put behind bars, and get left jus emotionally scarred
Some fear for their yard,although some don’t understand what its like bein in the hood
You gotta make your life out of nothing, doin everythin you feels good
They have to confront dangerous weaponry
They steadily aim, then fire at the target heavily
Sometimes not even thinking bout the meaning of war
Gangsters and thugs confront you and then disobey the law

4fil 12-03-04 10:19 PM

Voted For: (x) CeEd

my vote has to go to (x) CeEd..... nice verse here buddy

(x) CeEd

flow was wack....... work on that shit man... get you bars to sound even and try reading your shit outloud.... if it sounds good..... drop it.... if it souds wack.... reword it....
Structure..... bars were structured pretty nicely... fairly even..... few stretched bars but only to deliver good points so structure was pretty tidy
Vocab...... vocab wasnt bad at all..... your rhyming words were all multi syllabled and it gave the verse a feeling of professionalism
i liked your break down section.... where you broke it down and got some mad multis going...
to see Bush'es alone type Democracy
he plays wit' Warheads like a Mockery
He said "America all lives by Honesty"
I'd rather be president he lacks the quality
^^^^ that part was nice...
i liked how you put some shit like... the TV reporters speaking the news in it... that shit is pretty creative man so good job with this verse

jmsbnd07655
ok..... this is a topikal..... first line was a good opener...
then the second line... where you wrote.."Im writing these lyrics"
dont use that shit man!!!!!!
structure..... was good, bars all pretty even, there were a few that were stretched.. but overall it was ok
flow was fucked up, bars just didnt sound write while i was reading it....so work on that
Vocab abd rhymes.... newbish..... to much simple rhyming schemes..... shit like..... bloods..thugs... night...right... shits to simple man
multies..... there wernt many... and the places you did have them.... mad it sound fucked up due to your wack flow..... most of your rhymes were forced..... ELEVATE!! nuff said
vote (x) CeEd

(X)eed 12-04-04 03:44 AM

hey y'alllllllll thnx uppin for votez peepz cmon kloze this shit dwn.............

4fil 12-04-04 09:42 PM

uppin for x ceed.

(X)eed 12-06-04 04:42 AM

hey y'alllllllll kloze this shit wif votez cmon peepz lets go ........any second now....... honest votes will b returned

(X)eed 12-07-04 04:41 AM

cmon peepz honest votes shall be returned k.....vote on this battle no sleepin plz cmon............................ peepz plz ...........

..::Climax::.. 12-07-04 05:18 AM

Voted For: (x) CeEd

my vote has got to go to x..... better use of vocab and bars were well structured..... jmsbnd.... you came pretty weak here... there is lots of room for improvement.... but stil both verses were pretty deep.... x i liked this shit..
"In Baslam 5 kids are injured and 2 are asleep"
^^that was a nice concept there... keep it up man
jmsbond not bad..... but get rid of this shit
Im writing these lyrics to make...... blah.... thats just herbishness.....
nuff said..... peace

Removed.. already voted once


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