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(Best open mic of december) A soldiers tale: Kingdom of sorrow
A soldiers tale: Kingdom of Sorrow
Fear death, to feel the fog in my throught, the mist in my face As the blasts denote, I am nearing the place, my life dwindles to waste The power of the night, the post of the foe Where he stands, the arch fear, in visible form *sigh* Yet the strong man must go For the journey is done and summit attained, and the barriers fall Though a battles to fight, and the victory is gained, the reward of it all I was ever a fighter, so one fight more, the best and the last! I would hate death bandaged my eyes and forbore, and bade me kreep past Ne! let me taste the whole of it, fare like my peers, the heroes of the old I triumph over fears, surcome to the pain, and embrase the darkness and cold Alas, the worst turns the best to the brave, the black minutes at end The enimies rage, the voices that rave, shall flicker, shall blend Shall change, shall become first a piece out of pain, then a light then thy breath O thou soul of my soul! I shall clasp thee again, and be put to my final rest My spirit leaves, to bask in the moons light, my body, left hollow And with god have his his rest, inside the heaven's kingdom of sorrow This is the captivating story of a young soldier in his final moments of life at his last war before being sent home. These are the thoughts that dwelled in his mind, and everything that occured. the time is in the 17,00's. No this is not a true story, I wrote it, pz. |
this wont win the vote in my eye....7/10....your not good topical wise...stick to punches
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ what he said
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your an idiot, what have you ever posted that was better then this, and it isn't even a topical |
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ok then you say its not a topical then....lmao...and i have done better than this.. |
He Has.........................and Indeph...................and Me....................cenario.............flow Intelligent................premetaion...........ec t.........naw That Aint The Best..............village Pimp~! Chea
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look, if you don't know anything about poetry please don't post feedback
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of coarse i know poetry....i do it for a living lmao....
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good drop, nice rhyme's.stayed on topic the whole way thru.good use of topic. Nice even bar's.
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wel then your a moron, and i'm not drunk or stoned, I was last night, but this is to much, write a better poem then this moron, I aint gonna hate on your work, I saw the song with anxiety, your good, got skill, but to say this sin't good, and say you know about poetry, your an idiot. It was poetry, old 17'00's style, and you say this isn't good, you just can't understand thw words herb, get the fuck off my dick |
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haha... I am the best... lol Anyways... to be honest headgames... this isn't your style... I agree you could stick to battles... but hey... at least you tried... and I'm not saying that you won't elevate on these, because you will. I'm still elevating through each open mic. now... you stayed on topic and did pretty good on most of the important stuff... but you just need to write more. Don't sweat the haters, you will get better. 7.75/10 It wasn't that bad... but it wasn't great. just keep writing. btw return the favor... click the graduate sig. |
ok no offence, no h8 since VP is in my crew and all, but stfu everyone, you give me a 7/10 for this poem, when I won the schools contest to write a poem and am getting it published in montreals gazette, you guys honestly know nothing.
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umm flow was aight..but emotion wasn't there
try to include alot more emotion..and Inuendo..like in topicals don't just go out and say it..try to explain your feeling.. and don't believe VP..I'm the best...not him believe it :) but he dope..I'm just crack |
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.................................................. ............... upping this poem for some good recognition
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