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Suicide
"I can't stand who I see in the mirror" First off, i'm out of shape, my biceps have depleted.. i can't hold a job cause i can't stand how I'm treated.. My significant other is no longer very significiant.. maybe it's because fuckin her is always indifferent.. My car got repossessed, and I can't recieve a loan.. I'm now one of the many individuals that poverty owns.. and my room has a broken window, it's the middle of winter.. I can't even sit on my toilet without gettin a splinter.. some bitch was drivin, and it was me that the whore hit.. I'd go to the hospital but to be honest i can't afford it.. "I must be getting old, or just going crazy" I'm startin to hear voices, always callin out "shane".. so I just ignore evryone who decides to call out my name.. My families all dead, but who cares they never loved me.. And i can't believe in jesus cause i place no MAN above me.. I can't read as well, and things don't make sense like they used to.. I have no memory, but i have no friends, so it doesn't matter who's who.. My dog bit me the other day, almost as soon as i walked in the door.. if not even a dog will love me, what the fuck am I writin for? Maybe it's just an explanation, so you can understand why.. I'm an impatient person, and I know i was born ready to die.. "Me Vs. God" a 6 revolver and one dice will ultimately decide who's bigger.. roll once for bullets, and once for how many times i pull the trigger.. a 1 and a 5, Lord, why are you attempting to intervene.. you need to realize acting is harder than just watchin the scene.. You sit up there, and tell us how to act, without taking into consideration.. we have reasonable cause to disobey, we're corrupt as a nation.. Yeah we have our own choices, but you could fix it if you want to.. tell me my savior, how would you feel if our job was to taunt you.. besides all that, I'm weak, and growing old, atleast i can admit.. I'm a few minutes closer to dyin than when i started writinin this shit.. "Is this the end?" Put the gun to my face, pull the trigger once and than twice.. *click, click* "what about my children, and my beautiful wife.. Fuck it,there fine, they don't need me, Lets try this again.. *Click* god damn, I'm startin to cry from the rush of adrenaline.. 2 more tries, i can do this come on, stop thinkin about.. what you could have goin on.. *click* Wow, 4 tries and no projected bullet, this must be a sign.. that God has a plan for me to live happy in due time.. This was a bad idea, can't wait to see my wife and kiss her lips.. Holy shit what I have i done, my finger slipped!!!BOOOM! |
damn..............
thats a deep peice right there....... i liked the way it flowed..... and the topic was ill....... suicdal russian roulete....... krazy how it ends..... but i liked it........ it was deep....... damn....... imma be thinking bout this one for a min........ good drop homie..... sorry i slept on your skills..... *daps* "ez" |
your not very active but i see when you drop its hot..if you wrote shit alot more you would be so damn good...but i know you have school n shit..im different tho..lol but this a tight drop....had a good use of vocabulary and wordplay on some of the lines the flow was lacking to me tho...but idk i must of miss read it or some shit...well this was a tight drop...not your best tho...8.3/10
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damn yo this was hot as shit man........def very deep..............good vocab in there ......kinda a used topic but you blew it outa porportion in a realllyyyy good way............it flowed wonderful man......this was a drop on the real.....
keep it up 9/10 :thumbup: |
^^^wurd dunny wat all these kats said real
deep def feeling it alwayz room for improvment but hang inthere u b iiight peep posts i'll b droppin shit soon jus peepin for now |
uppin......................
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yo this was really dope invision... from beginning to end you had the emotion down perfectly... imagery was definately there... good wordplay and flow... structure was on point very dope piece im nominating this for OM of december check out my OM called love me or leave me :thumbup:
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Was really feelin this shit man, good story, dope emotion, had a pretty nice flow.. I dont really have anything to complaion about brutha.
Good shit. |
Damn... Nice shit... Felt the emotion all the way through the verse... I liked how it flowed so perfectly with the syllables... Not really something i can relate to, but still dope as fuck... Great ending too, that shit was crazy...
9/10 |
GOTDAMN this is deep as fuck!!>.. i loved how you entered though the strory and how you got to the end... that was suspenseful and nice ending...yea...9.5/10
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Wow, Thats A Dope Piece..
One Of My Favorite Things About Your Style Is Its You... It Doesnt Seem Like You're Tryna Do Anything But What You Want... And The End Result Is Given So Much Emotion And Impact... But Still Never Having A Problem With Flow And Ish... Real Tite Mayn, You're Always Staying Consistant... Stay Up... .One. |
Whoa...very nice piece of work.
I'm speechless. Everything was perfect. Open Mic of December right here. |
nice flow keep it up... you got much potential
CK fa life.. thought I'd add that in... lol |
*Whoa*
*Impressed* What all of those cats said^^^ Open Mic of December |
damn man whyd his finger have to slip? that was fucked up....i was all happy for u n shit and then your finger slipped....that sucks.....that was a nice piece man...very deep......only part i didnt like was the finger slip...but i guess it was ok because it was unexpected....good job
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