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Die Bie the Sword
I met Carrie almost two years ago. In that time we've grown to realize we are truly meant for each other. However, things have been slightly different lately... different.... in a bad way..... So..... ... Lately my minds racing, contemplating, resorted to praying Trying to get my minds eye to predict what the doctor's saying But the diety betrayed me, vision hazy, I hate this... ...when the Doc entered we both sat victim to somber faces Constantly turning pages, eyes twitching to cold stares at best And at the paramount of my stress, his brow showed of hoplessness "You have options" he mutters intermittent with stutters While my heart drops to the gutter as it starts, stops, and sputters The same fate as my mother... we can delay but not stop it Take the sum of my profits invested into avoiding a coffin Its not often tears run, but this vision, can make a fear flood Its near done, health fading, for getting organs, she's the last one Figures she's be gone, in the first trimester of having my son........... Funeral for Carrie Ann Todd: Sunday July, 17th 4:14 PM Why? Thats all I ask....... Its not fair, why'd they take her? We were the perfect pair Now her amber hair is eclipsed by a deathly stare And when I rose to view her, I knew I'd lose it I refused to see those eyes, even with that perfect blue tint She was perfect, "We'll be together forever" is what she's tellin me In the back of my mind in the melody in the soundtrack of memories I fall to my knees, nightly, wanting to know what could have been When then... I lost my fear of what'd it'd take to meet again We'll be together.... ...again Awake tonight I lay, tracing the indentation of where nightly, you and I would embrace and lay in I'm hating the fact you're not here, and no longer appear When my thoughts blur from beer, inhibitions disappear Its drawing near, my time to slaughter the hurt When my thoughts sincere, utter... the body's mostly water I want her.. to see her.. to hold her.. and at that thought... I pack up, head out, and look out over the dock With cement socks... ...."I love you!!!!!!!!! I can't nor will I ever hide it!!!!!!!! I live by the sword.... time to die by it........ RIP - Ryan James Christensen ---They are together at last--- |
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this was a aight drop...8/10...
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Upping for someone to actually read.
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Is reading that difficult of concept for some of you?
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Nice...
The flow was on point all the way through...imagery was very good and i could sense it throughout the whole read...the multis really made it sound and flow better....storyline was great...very emotional...vocabulary was also good...this whole piece had no flaws in my eyes....very smooth and emotional read...10/10 Hit the link in my sig if u can |
^^^
He can read... yay |
Fucking sonofawhoreassmoron
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Damn... Nice piece... Structure was on the entire time and that made it flow like crazy... Good vocab... The emotion really stood out in this. All of these whack ass hoes who think they can be emotional and sound like dumbasses ruin this site... But this was a crazy dope piece... Don't know why you made the first verse uneven lines, but it still flows good... One of the best pieces i've read in a long time... 9.5/10
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I forgot the link... Peep my open mic... It's a diss open mic to Bizzy for being racist.
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=165446 |
Im anxiety if you couldnt tell.
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This is obviously one of the more elite open mics that have been posted recently.
Your ideas were well thought through, and you managed to put them down in context properly, resulting in good imagery and concept development. You also put the key element of some emotion into it making it an even more exceptional piece. Your flow and structure, well pretty close to flawless, which makes it a nice read. And you didn't overload your om with tight vocab the whole way through which makes it nice, because you had an even balance, good job. 9.9/10 LoL just because everyone always gets angry when they're so close. |
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...054#post1820054
If you could I would really appreciate it, seeing as it wont' get much notice. It is one of the om's I have dropped. Thanks. |
^ everything has been said...nice piece though.......9/10 (i DID read....lmao)
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Dope Drop...
Very dope, the concept was nyce, the flow was excellent... Keep droppin'.. 9.5/10 hit up my sig.. |
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