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-   -   Just a Vent (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=165853)

Crossword 12-13-04 03:13 PM

Just a Vent
 
This was just a poem i wrote to vent on a girl who was a good friend at one time, but ended up being a stalkerish type freak... Freakin about relationship... Something i definantly didnt want... Especially since she was a bit... uhh... nasty.



Quit searching a crystal ball
As you dance on shattered glass
I hear your every move
And I'd just like you to quit
Quit this game of charades
My mind doesn't flow with your brook
But at the pace you are moving
It will surely corrupt and destroy
Quicker then it ever would
Then it ever would if we rafted down your brook
You tip-toed around the beast for far too long
But you’ve dropped too many items on the way
And now when he awoke,
The first thing you did was provoke
Provoke a deeper evil then you should have
Don’t ask for what you don’t want
And don’t ask for something
From someone with nothing
Who cares what we have to say though
We are just products of crippled emotion
Sitting here observing
Eyes wide watching
Viewing this hypocritical game you run
Every heart that beats knows of the game I speak
So swallow your craving for blood
I already have been sucked dry
I already have had my heart placed in a lead box
And dropped to the depths of my ocean of tears
I already have had all of my emotions scorched
Black as charcoal, cinders still slowly burn
I hope you lie awake every night

fluidmoon 12-13-04 03:27 PM

This was very good, your words were descriptive and this poem was cut and dry, your feelings shown thru here as well, and all of your stanzas flowed into eachother fluidly, nice job man, i'd like to see more of your work..1

Acuity 12-15-04 11:33 AM

dope.....full of imagery man didnt jus go 4 vocab n stuff and dat was tight.........nice structure and it flowed well with what u were tryin2 say...

overall-8/10

Lil C 12-15-04 01:29 PM

^^yea exactly wat they said.......good structure, n u didnt focus on vocab n wat not, n it flowed well........8/10

Crossword 12-15-04 10:03 PM

word, thanks... Was just a quick 10-15 type up anyways... So it was just straight though after thought.
Up.

Wet Willy 12-16-04 10:21 PM

yeah this is nice.. i dont like the whole brook concept.. but it had a lot of feeling...


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