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-   -   3 simple punchlines (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=166049)

FataL AkshunZ 12-14-04 01:40 PM

3 simple punchlines
 
niggas no dat i stay wit da dutch ill have my niggas post up on da block and shoot like mj in da clutch.

i dont blaze up but i got da weed stack nutted in ya gurl eye so it's lazy like tmacs

nigga i aint no punk my hands is nice i leave lumps on ya face like speed bumps.

i stay wit da beam and a tank a gasoline leave you somewhere shittin out ya last quisine

Ike 12-14-04 11:13 PM

hmm they were ok.....you used a couple of multis....but space out the lines so we can see were one line ends and the other one starts....for example

i stay wit da beam and a tanka gasoline
leave you somewhere shittin out ya last quisine


just dont that from now on so its easier to read.....but keep elevating....

FataL AkshunZ 12-15-04 01:38 PM

thx fo da advice

intensify effect 12-15-04 01:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by livin-legend
niggas no dat i stay wit da dutch ill have my niggas post up on da block and shoot like mj in da clutch.
played.... been said like 1,000 times already...

i dont blaze up but i got da weed stack nutted in ya gurl eye so it's lazy like tmacs
that was an original flip to it and not bad just re-word it a little better.....

nigga i aint no punk my hands is nice i leave lumps on ya face like speed bumps.
i've seen this befor and herd it forgot who said it right but it will hit me soon, and nah u could of flip that....

i stay wit da beam and a tank a gasoline leave you somewhere shittin out ya last quisine
ok this was always kinda played....


all around not bad but get more original and try to re-word ya stuff better aight....
5.5 outta 10....

can u drop feed back on my open mic...

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=166048

^^ thats the link drop some feed back...

FataL AkshunZ 12-15-04 07:20 PM

thx ill be sure to drop my response good look tho!

vote da battle

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...ht=livin-legend


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