Tortured
 

I look down at these razors as they lay against the cold bathroom tiles/
It kinda reminds me of my pain amongst all the happy faces and smiles/
As I slowly pick up one of the blades, thoughts rush to my head/
What would others think, if they knew that I was the reason I was dead?/
I throw the razor down and cover my face with my hands/
I was gonna do sumthing with my life, suicide wasn't the plan/
But I guess plans don't always work out, so I pick the razor back up/
And now that I start to think about it, my life has always been jacked up/
No one ever cared about me, they just used me for their own gain/
And now I sit here on the bathroom floor 99 percent insane/
Look at me now, ma, you'd be so proud of me, wouldn't you?/
"Your brother always did things right, why couldn't you?"/
I'm not my brother, nor will I ever be like him/
I'll never make you happy, although I'm at the end of the limb/
Staring at the razor and choking back on my own tears/
It is now my time to conquer, my own worst fear/
To live and die, a failure..cuz dat's all I'll ever be/
And now with this razor, I set my tortured soul free/

QUOTES:::::::
Look at me now, ma, you'd be so proud of me, wouldn't you?/
"Your brother always did things right, why couldn't you?"/

^^*i for real felt that line, nice flow in it too* deepness


To live and die, a failure..cuz dat's all I'll ever be/
And now with this razor, I set my tortured soul free/

^^*to me, this sounds almost FUN, but im threw with them day* nice in its own way



*-i liked it, not as good as others i read from you but still kept my attention, i dunno how you write......whether its from real life cituations or stuff you think people might relate better to but either way, keep ya head up and keep these nice poems poppin'

"stay thinking"

This... was..... beautiful

Seriously - I'm not joking..

Babygee is the best poet on this site.. no lies

And who say different... test me to prove it!

Who want it?! Who want it?!

omg ... this has so much emotion in it
and all the linez fed off one another
damn, this is some serious shyt, some
movie type shyt, i hope itz not true



What would others think, if they knew that I was the reason I was dead?/

dat shyt iz raw, rawest line in the poem
felt this for real ... be careful babygee

-icediggety

hmm girl i like this....kind of sick and twisted in the begginning but thats okay..and i'm glad you finally check out ya lil cuz's piece...much luv...God bless..1..

Why is this not on top?

psh...

I can relate to this. But in a different way. You write about cutting yourself. It's because you hurt on the inside, right? So you want to hurt less, by hurting on the outside. I mean, that's how it is for me. (Only I do things that get myself hurt and impress people at the same time, like backflips of a roof. Ouch.)

I honestly am hoping you don't actually cut yourself. It's a sign of something serious that should be treated.

Hope your happy though, this piece is making me sad.

Mo-mentai.

strong and riveting piece...i felt your emotions deep and hard...really captured the essence of it all so well...necro said it best...so aint going to say no more....great piece...respect...

Aight ya'll..mos def thanks for the replies and what not. But here's the deal, this piece is for the final round in a poetry contest and i was trying to see if it was good enough. the topic was "Torture"-being tortured. So that's what this is piece is about. But thanks for the replies and sorry if i made anyone sad. Holla.

HOT....

I LIKED THIS... I ALWAYS TOLD U YA SHIT IS TIGHT..
U KEEP HOLDIN IT DOWN FOR THE POETRY FORUM SHORTY...


"I look down at these razors as they lay against the cold bathroom tiles/
It kinda reminds me of my pain amongst all the happy faces and smiles/
As I slowly pick up one of the blades, thoughts rush to my head/
What would others think, if they knew that I was the reason I was dead?/ "

THAT WAS A STRONG OPENER..
U KEPT IT STRONG THRUOUT THE WHOLE POEM..

NICE

1

this was fuckin ill...
kinda scared me cuzz you sounded like...
someone I know....
dis wa sfar one of the illest poems I've read and if I was you I would post it somewhere else to cuzz you now peeps at RB be sleepin etc...etc...etc...

~1~ HuNNeD

ill test you u faggot lol

na babygee, this shit was nice fo sho
i was feelin it alot
i could relate to sum of it not the suicide parts but the shit behind it
good shit, u got my props/respects :D

very deep topic, i was feelin this very emotional, good flow and use of words, keep doin ur thang

peace

~1~

powerfull drop!! you must keep this up! we need more drops like this around! this is a standard!!!

keep it up


peep some of my drops

Hey Caramel,
this poem was raw digga. Shoot much respect for it. YOu need to call a sista. Straight up. Holla keep writin.
Vanilla