Now That Your Gone..................
 

NOW THAT YOUR GONE……..


What can I do, you always have jokes that put an big smile on my face
Every time when I walk in Denny’s you always making butter pancakes
As my favorite dish, even though I didn’t had dinner u always give me desert
We was so close like father & son, now since that your gone, my life in world of hurt
You was like an father to me, I’ll will never replace you not Darrell nor josh will
See those two- people not close to my heart, only you man, I wish I wasn’t here
So I can be in heaven with you, being there with you is my only accomplishment
When my fate comes, I’ll be smiling in my soul, when buried in my own coffin
Even though I’ll leave my sister emotionally scar I’ll still look down on her, still
Protect her, and she’ll always look up to me, O and I cant forget my own mother
My guardian angel, the one who taught me from right and wrong, when she die
I know she’ll still be happy, cause she’s been waiting to meet up her brother (cries)
Can yall feel my tears slowing going down my cheeks, when I’m writing this verse
On the real, this shit hurts, I still don’t get it, you die at the end, life? What’s the purpose


:thumbup:

Chea Yo Fam's.........uppin For Feedback Holla~!!!!!!!!!

seemed to have a lot of forced rhymes, but you seem to be elevating, it was an ok imagery.. the dennys pancakes line.. I didnt like at all, and the close liek father & son that was ight.. but that doesnt show love.. like a "family thing".. keep at it tho
Ill make sure to look for more.. good job all around tho :thumbup:

Please return the favor with no hate:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=167103

o aight thanks for the feedback...........yo uppin for more feed

overall - 8/10

good points:
vocab
imagery
closer

bad points:
a lil stretched
a few confused lines/punches
a lil forced at times

favour rturned :thumbup:

some was alil forced......... like the rhyming..... but overall pretty good.... i say u should cut the denny's line and in a few places the wording is alil weird in the first half of the verse.... ah, no wordplay but it was more of a story, so thats ok, but u might wanna get alil more creative with some of ur lines.. pretty good drop overall

7/10

whasup mistah, dope rhyme scheme, maybe could have used some of the bars more effectively but it was tight my nigga, 8/10, keep em comin'

O Damn I Forgot About This Open Mic Lol. Thanx For The Feedback.............peace

yeah dis was a pretty good all around..seemed a lil force was givin in some of ya ryhmez...flow was connected most of da schreme...structure was good..vocab and imagery was aight...good job homeboi...keep it up...i give it 7/10

post a feedback on mine...I Got That iz da title...

pretty nice... kinda stretched out lines but everything else was good... keep doing what you do.... 7.5/10

can u give me some feed on my open mic... murda money(o and any1 else who sees this should do the same)