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-   -   Dear God (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=167929)

Black Queen 12-23-04 10:56 PM

Dear God
 
Dear God:

Whats predetermined, all I’ve seen on earth is
people hurtin some advantages ova feeble servants
No need in servin you but you got me scared to die
Im there but why, no real being I cant bare to cry
When ma tears are fake, separate now ma fear is hate
I know nothing did you speak n’ now im hearing late
Minuscule in the cosmos cant see how life is relevant
Its evident that im blind but sight where the heavens is
Your eminence is vague and your words too subtle
The tunnel to dark with preachers I’ve heard rebuttal
Some kinda sick plan n’ we just some pawns in ya game
Do it for fame? We abnormal n’ not belong wit the sane?
I’m trying to maintain faith but its hard u leaving no path
Read u n’ laugh, then hit hard in life am I seein your wrath?
We that bad that instead of reward u choose punishment?
Abuse a hundred men by making killing a new sudden trend
How is it our mistake when you’re done choosin our fate?
Losing our way with no direction leaving a few in dismay
This game is entertainment for you, when we question you
That a blessing too, or u losing and thas depressing news
Why’s life so complicated n’ with an abundance of roles
When it goes smoothly its always u as a bump in the road
God are you even there should I even expect an answer
Stressed with anger, lay hopeful but suspecting cancer
God why can you not let us live like the rest in harmony
Take away thoughts n’ feelings the best in harmin me
Farther see with every word I read im not brought closer
I sought closure with religion, even with that its not over
Why would gods word outlaw ne thing that brings happiness
Mad with this “heavenly father” who is also bad with kids
If this a class, I transfer out seein wat ma brothers are facin
God if you’re the solution im looking for another equation

Ysdat 12-23-04 10:59 PM

yo this some deep shit ,good drop.
remember to post your link's to 2 open mic's you have left decent feed on.

Black Queen 12-24-04 04:11 PM

thx fo da feedback uppin on more

EastCoast 12-24-04 07:17 PM

^dayum, he wasnt joking when he said it wuz deep.....fo sure, good drop...i liked the topics, and the way it wuz worded....cant really think of nuthin that needs to be majorly improved....keep droppin em gurl/

B. Magik 12-24-04 08:38 PM

Wow...this was very nice...Deep shit, flow, structure, multies...I liked this shit...Looking forward to reading some more of your stuff...Solid drop babi gurl...1

Black Queen 12-24-04 10:38 PM

thx fo da feedback im workin on anotha one it'll be comin soon but thx

Dabatos 12-24-04 11:52 PM

Post 2 links from 2 other battles that you have left good feedback in, or else this open mic will be closed..

-I. Mind

50Cal. 12-25-04 12:33 AM

dope i was feeling this i got a few poems on the same topic too good visuales the multis were a lil too much in places but dope overall;)

TeamOne 12-25-04 01:52 AM

some pretty deep shit i must say......... great topic.... i thought the multies were kinda good but always make sure the multie isnt just there for the rhyming, but helps with the mood or the point ur makin in the verse (i thought u did this pretty well in most cases)

the flow was pretty good, in large part to the multies.... especially since they were always placed in the same section of the line everytime..... u had good vocab and i dint see many ways u could improve it, if any.... i like the question part too......... ahhh i really cant find much to improve on..... wat u were talkin about is good, but its not followed throughout the verse...... (about talkin to god)....... it doesnt seem like ur talkin to god throughout the whole thing...... but w/e........ its dope besides that


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