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Remembering
Now before i post this shit no that this is a true story. And it serious as hell so i don't want no bullshit comments.
(Chorus)This is a story about me// This all happened before I turned three// I’m older now but I’m still … remembering// Understand that I’m speaking RusSIAN// Here’s the translaTION// (PUASE) (Verse One) I wake up, where mama tonight?// wait this ain’t my room this can’t be right// This ain’t my bed// and I’m getting pissed cause I ain’t being feed// I don’t understand what going on// But this place feels all wrong// Why is there so many other kid around me// I get picked up, I look down and see// This old lady and what she just said got me going crazy// And she looking at me like I’m gonna cheer// She said I ain’t got no parents and I’m gonna stay here// Nah this can’t be true she’s lying// Ah damn she got me crying// (Chorus 2x) (Verse Two) Been awhile and I gotten over the shock// I just don’t know why my crib is locked// All I no is that I wanna leave// But I’m so skinny that you would’t even believe// I can see my ribs// And the adults that come in look at all the other cribs// But play times here so I’m out asking for food and money// The others are doing it to but the adults just look at us funny// The whole time I been here I only made one friend// And we trying to get picked before we turn ten// Because we hear stories that that’s when we go to the army// I get no care so I gotta put up with what ever harms me// (Chorus2x) (Verse Three) It my birthday soon I’m about to turn three// And that old lady came to me// With to other people saying that they gonna be my new family// First I look at them like they a precious gem// I rush over give them a hugg and start talking to them// But they just look at me weird// I find out that they American and I’m kinda scared// I wake up the next day think that it was just a dream// But they come back and give me ice cream// I’m think it really gonna happen but then I remember my only friend// And she look like she got a mom too so I’m think we can make it to the end// Another week week go by and they keep coming back// And every day I get a snack// But today seemed special I see them signing stuff// And I wanna leave cause I had enough// And on the way out they grab my hand// Now I’m on a plane with my new name dan// (Chorus 2x) (Verse Four)I’m bigger and older// but still carry a lot on my should// and now I’m going by another name// A.K.A. and I’m all over the rap game// And every night I got a new dame// Giving me brain// And I’m making a lot of chetter// But sometimes I think life got no better// I just sit back and remember// How it was in December// Of nineteen ninety/ Thank god that my mom could find me// |
this is ok, your bar's need to be alot longer.
A.K.A. and I’m all over the rap game// And every night I got a new dame// Giving me brain// ^^^ instead of saying just "given me brain" why not add soem imagery into it. "as i lay back on the seat,the girl is now given me brain..blah...just an example. but yeh you need to work on your structure a bit, your bar's are not even, which is fucking up the flow. you have a bar with 22 syllable's near the start then toward's the end you have a bar with 6 syllable's... anyway 5/10.. keep dropping remember your link's return the feed,link in sig. |
ok upping and i no what you mean but it would be alot better if i could spit it. it just look wrong
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you still need to add your link's can you return the favour, check the sig.
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Quote:
add links??????????????????? |
link's to 2 other open mic's you have left decent feed on.
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i don't really have any that are only mine but here a link to a hot one wit my boy sniper:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=134765 |
the reason you have too add link's is so you go give feed on 2c other open mics(not your own)
you still need to leave 2 links |
i'm lost................................
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go reply to 2 other people's open mic's.
then get those two link's and post them in your open mic. easy as 1 2 3 . |
but why? thats a gay rule
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looking for more opinions
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stop acting so wak, read the sticky at the top of the open mic forum.
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i heard dis audio and it sounds like poetry in audio, its betta in text
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thanks man and sorry about the audio it was my first recording and it can out a little wack agreed.
oh and "fi-del" look i do shit my way i been around along time soo.... that link shit is some thing new to me |
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