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Drama Queen Vs. Whyte Ave. (MiddleWeight Championship Match)
Rules:
Battles Go Up Friday Check In Due Sunday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time Verses Due Tuesday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time Voting Ends Thursday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time 20 Lines Minimum 40 Lines Maximum No Biting No Recycling Do Not Go Over The Line Limit Or Under The Line Limit Meaning No Less Than 20 Lines No More Than 40 Lines You Must Vote On 3 Battles Per Week And Edit Them Into Your Check-In.. If You Dont Do So, Youre Banned From The Tourney The Following Week Topic: Floating Souls |
checkin in.....good luck
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checking in, thanks...you too!
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Could I have an extension till Wednesday to drop? I might drop earlier but to be sure...i hate no-showing but due to family issues I won't be able to write tonight or tomorrow whatsoever probably...It's okay if Whyte Ave doesn't feel like it, it's just a question...but i'd hate to no-show in champ match...
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Wednesday is cool with me
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Thanks a lot btw, things are just lil hectic around here for the moment but i'll drop for sure...no no-showing for me :)
DQ (thanks again) |
Locked up inside this infernal region,fading memories of past Sufficating due to claustrophobic contrast,lost souls amassed Strived all my life for acceptance into the world of deceased Mind was twirled by the fables about Hades,as if it's a feast Eternal rest found at Elysian Field,my fate irrevocably sealed Remember my traverse of the River Styx,eyes continously peeled Terrifying Traverse Led by Charon through water as black as oil and silent as death Awaited confrontation with horrifying Cerberus similar to Seth Distant wailing sent shiver down my spine,confidence undermined Wise words of my father in mind but envied entire living mankind For not having to undergo this struggle or to bid a last farewell Many tried but only a pure soul could combat acid agonies of Hell Safely reached the shore where I stood eye in eye with the creature Had a dragon as a tail but viciousness was most remarkable feature Another obstacle I overcame,fearless strength donated by the gods So I finally arrived at point of no return,difficult by all odds Heart filled with proud and relief as I gazed upon the bumpy road I travelled,endless peace for this fighter's soul at last bestowed Elysian Eternity Attempt to escape this dull existence through the old heroic tales But the evanescence can't be stopped,slowly washing away all details Many have a foolish yen for eternity,always dreaming of immortality Wish I had ignored that yearning for now I've lost my personality I'm nothing more than another lost soul in this realm of the dark Entered the temple of the departed forever,no possibility to embark So I sit here,reminiscing of the adventerous times,the battles I've won Remained invincible until my confrontation with Hades left me outdone DQ |
Verses I gave feedback on...
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=170903 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=170899 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=170895 Approached topic based on mythology so if you don't understand something please ask me! Hades is the underworld and Charon is the ferryman who brings the deceased over the Styx. Cerberus is a monster who awaits you on the shore and Elysian Fields is the place where your soul rests for eternity... DQ |
fuuck...
I was writing my verse, when the fuckin power went out... I was about 3/4 done too...and now I gotta jet for soccer If possible give me an extension of like 5 hours or so fuck sorry about this |
I say he deserves and extenion flow. ;)
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Caught between the Heavens and the Earth
Floating unseen, hoping for a chance at rebirth Not prepared to deal with death, but he already came And seals his claim, for the body under the souls name He appeals as he’s withdrawn from his expired home But death has already gone, and he’s forced to roam From dusk until dawn, with no light to guide Him to a site where he can peacefully reside So he floats in the cold and darkness of night Hoping his bleak outlook eventually turns bright Hope slips; his head falls, eyes becoming weak Tears are shed and flow silently past each cheek But all his fears fall upon the deaf ears below When all seems lost, there appears a small glow He wipes his eyes, and cautiously descends from the skies His search for light finally ends, and his spirit begins to rise The flicker becomes brighter, and he’s delighted Floating quicker, the glows location is sighted Past the first, is second after that even more Following the lights, deeper past earths floor The path leads to the gates of fury and fire He is to tired to leave, and in hell he’ll retire Once a floating soul with not a sign of hope Everyday not knowing how he’s going to cope Now he does all the evil bidding for the devil Wished before that he was ready for the other level *Other level being Heaven |
Ihave to go with drama queen on this one.
SHe opened it up perfectly in this one and she gave me good imagry and her lines where good. Here is how I graded her Led by Charon through water as black as oil and silent as death Awaited confrontation with horrifying Cerberus similar to Seth Distant wailing sent shiver down my spine,confidence undermined Wise words of my father in mind but envied entire living mankind For not having to undergo this struggle or to bid a last farewell Many tried but only a pure soul could combat acid agonies of Hell Safely reached the shore where I stood eye in eye with the creature Had a dragon as a tail but viciousness was most remarkable feature Another obstacle I overcame,fearless strength donated by the gods So I finally arrived at point of no return,difficult by all odds Heart filled with proud and relief as I gazed upon the bumpy road I travelled,endless peace for this fighter's soul at last bestowed 9.9/10 |
I liked drama queens better to I must say, her creativity and the approach on this topic by far, looked quite good. Her vocab and imagery were there, also I did like the way she evolved her story.
Good drops though by both. vote-dq. |
DQ..
Vocab- was your biggest assest to this verse.. it was everywhere... in some spots a little too much vocab, you can do it big, without doing it big, meaning you can use good descriptive words, but not everywhere, spread it out a little, dont cluster it with all this vocab, people like simple topicals with good vocab, not complex vocab and a forced verse.. and the vocab made the verse look forced... it threw off the flow of the whole verse.. Imagery And Emotion the imagery in this was pretty solid, good visuals and you had an indepth description of most things.. Emotion on the other hand was barely there except for the last part of your verse.. it was just drawled out for the first half of your piece.. some emotion here, some emotion there... i think you should use more emotion.. maybe it was the topic, but work on that.. Wordplay,Structure,Flow,Consistency Wordplay wasnt there but that didnt matter much here... structure was good for the most part.. you fell off in a couple spots but otherwise it was fine.. no flow at all, like i said earlier.. the vocab you use is overdoing it.. just calm that down a bit.. you stayed consistent in the first two parts of your piece.. but the third one was on another level.. it was better than the first two.. overall : 8.4/10 Whyte Ave. Vocab - Your vocab was ok.. i think you could have got more descriptive, but most of it was fine. Imagery And Emotion You definately had more emotion than DQ.. you were more descriptive.. more realistic, more consistent, each bar had a little bit of imagery in it, and thats what makes a good topical piece, emotion was off an on like DQ, sometimes it would be there, sometimes it wouldnt.. but overall you had better emotion than DQ also.. Wordplay,Structure,Flow,Consistency wordplay was ok, there wasnt much but it was decent could have been better,,, structure was decent, some lines too long some way to short, your flow was on for most of your verse... could have been a little better but it was good... and i believe you were more consistent than DQ... overall : 8.7/10 I believe the first 2 parts of DQ's verse.. had nothing to do with the topic... it wasnt wrotten about the topic much.. i understand the connection between greek mythology and floating souls.. i did take mythology for 2 years but i wasnt feeling the connection as much... and i felt she didnt follow the topic as well as whyte ave. and a topical is about following the topic.. vote: Whte Ave. |
Agreed.. White ave... has better emotion... and put more thought to it.. it was also way more original and stayed better on the topic.... imagery was a lil shakey for both ..but i think white ave got it there.....
Vote/ W A |
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