Just 17 lines- feedback please
 

This is another verse i wrote in about 15mins, can you tell me what you think. Its just 17 lines, Thanks

Yo im introducing myself to the people in question,
People in the audience grab a seat class is in session,
With all the hate going down near me you would think id suffer from depression,
But here I am using hip hop here as a freedom of expression,
There is selected people I don’t like and others I hate with a passion,
Step to me and Ill hand out beats like there going out of fashion,
These people do nothing more than make me sick,
Worship some fucking bullshit garage and jump on their dicks,
But what do you people really know about me,
My name starts with a J and ends with an N,
Maybe you just talk about me cause of the fact you got a fascination with men, Cause Im like Triple H ill pedigree you lot by the mass,
The only pedigree you know is the stuff you feed your girls ugly ass,
But the only difference is im real, wrestlings fake,
Get yourself a new girl anythings better even a virtual date,
Cause here im like a bird dropping shit filled with hate,
Cause you’ll be a 39 year old virgin, getting none is your fate,

Feedback Good or bad :)

By the way garage=a music genre in the U.K it sucks big dick

about half the lines on this were good topic and rhyme scheme and the rest were kind of elementary. if you wrote to this standard:

There is selected people I don’t like and others I hate with a passion,
Step to me and Ill hand out beats like there going out of fashion,

for the whole piece you'd be ill, just pull that talent out of yourself and put it on paper and you'll do well.

post on.

Thanks for the feed man, Much appreciated,

Uppin for more feedback,

Uppin

Uppin for feedback:)

Im out mad late in England Pz

By the way garage=a music genre in the U.K it sucks big dick

^ best quote used in a madd long time... Feeling that line the mos, lol, jus playing... This is aight man, it was quite played out some of the lines you used, but when you got into it, your wordplay started to perform better... The vocab was ok, again started working when you got into the flow, it developed a lot better and was working well... Work on how you start your rhymes, because its important, and I werent feeling it here... Keep spitting and elevating...

Peez...

Thanks for the feedback man, much appreciated,

Uppin for more feed

Uppin for feed

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Uppin for more feedback please

yo this was an overall nice verse some lines were played some weren't take the constructive criticism and elevate with it dawg, keep doin ya thing.

1ne

Yea man thanks for the feedback, hopeful some more complexed stuff will go up tonite(hopefully).

...
this was sort of simple, you had some nice lines a ricket-e flow and little wordplay, but its koo, this still deserves props for rhyming, peace 'n' keep spitting...
(word of advice, don't up a thread that much, if no one checks it... then freestyle another piece that's better or tops your last one)

peace

Aight man Thanks for the Feed man, I got a better piece to go up any minute. More complex(I think)

Thanks for the feed and advice, cheers man.