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Angles Tear
It’s just another night, from the many that I’ve seen This one is no different; I still walk the beaten path not yet serene This path is stained with the blood from my feet as the rocks cut into my sole With shopping cart in hand, I take my stroll; I’m hiding from their violence As I still beg for scraps found on their floor The only friend of mine, would be the ones I see in the sky The stars that light this path that I blindly walk through my night And during my hours of darkness the stars aren’t there These deadly clouds swallowed them whole, leaving me to walk blind Through my path lined with lies and despair I walk with no set home, a stray from the pack of mankind I am alone And as these clouds open, a stir in my heart as I’m hoping, to see my friends again To light my way towards the end, but what I see released from the sky Are the burning tears of the angels as they cried, Their self-seeking widely-pleaded tears washes mine away The same way you would brush off an aching internal pain And as these tears seem to fall, they wash away the sweat Removing the rewards of my days work of loafing, yet leaving the blood Still stained on my torn clothing |
.... tight ...
i liked this peice more than any that i read today, the content was pretty dope and the imagery grasped my mind and painted a mental picture... flow was good, smooth i read this well, i like the idea and story line < i guess thats what i'll call it... id have to say theres alot of quotables, im not gonna quote em all, lol... ionno why this peice is so slept on. i thought it was written pretty damn well... neway keep droppin heat... Peace... |
thanks much appriciated
are you the diversity from RB? |
Loved reading this drop, vocab was very good, described it in a vivid way. Good imagery, made me stand still here and there...Was definately feeling your flow, creative approach...Solid drop man!
The only friend of mine, would be the ones I see in the sky The stars that light this path that I blindly walk through my night And during my hours of darkness the stars aren’t there These deadly clouds swallowed them whole, leaving me to walk blind Through my path lined with lies and despair ^my favo part... DQ |
Very Good, your imagery is good in this piece, nice vocabulary and flow to this, i love your words in the last few lines...damn, definitately deep poem right here...stay up.1
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Thank you much appriciated feedback from all of you
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was dope...the topic was good...the structure was good...the flow was good...the vocab was good...overall it was good...lol...8/10...keep it up mayne...fo sho..~1~
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