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"Mother, Mother"
"Mother, Mother" The one that taught me to live, when all i could think was death when i was a young asthmatic kid, she gave me breath ........Mother.................Mother........... The one who showed me the ropes, when it came to the streets and when my father was jailed, manhood she began to teach ........Mother.................Mother........... The one who defended me in court, when the goverment got me she stitch up my woons when that crack head shot me ........Mother.................Mother........... The one that gave me books to read, and gave me knowledge told me money isn't everything, but would work for college ........Mother.................Mother........... The one that told me never to die for the block or a flag told me colors aren't worth it, and she'd woop my ass ........Mother.................Mother........... The one that told me gangsta's die, but a man works for a livin' and just cause you got the first, doesnt mean the seconds a givin' ........Mother.................Mother........... The one that showed me the bad side of the word nigger and told me if a white man ever said it to me, i must be the bigger man ........Mother.................Mother........... The one that told me just cause I'm black, I dont have to end up in jail and told me she'd love me through anything, earth...heaven..or hell ........Mother.................Mother........... ~Babz~ |
hmmm. not bad, the mother mother thing kinda got annoying dont get me wrong... but you could have minimized the usage namean, like once in the beggining once in the middle and then the end, but through all of that, id have to say you had some well constructed lines, vocab was cool, flow was tight, shit was aight...
neway stay up... Peace... |
i liked the fact that you had mother mother after every 2 lines
deep stuff, flow was good, vocab was pretty good too keep it up |
This poem is dope,your vocabulary, your feelings, everything man, i like dhow creative it is, nice touch with the mother mother interludes, this would make a dope song i think,it was lyrical and flowed well..damn, nice job,stay up.1
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i was feeling the mother mother shit..pretty dope.....
could use better vocab......bice shit...kinda tells us alot about you and oyur moms relationship........ nice piece.....very creative.... |
str8 peace it sounded good to me and had emotion but try to work more with vocab but it was str8.
check out my poem on yes/no peace |
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