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•Para¶el• vs Damian
Battle Rules:
16-30 lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topic: Hell On Earth keep it real and accept got 5 days after check in... -Parallel Minimum posts to vote: 709 Check in by: 01-19-05 at 12:13 AM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Damian has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-16-05 12:15 AM.
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•Para¶el• has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-16-05 04:49 PM.
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only vote if you understand the concepts of a topical alright! heres it is:
Hell On Earth.. Despite the lost lives, matters on the peoples choices All the cursing, mess’s up lives cause of peoples voices Poor people walking around with no money or food To many people scared to offer money, how rude Almost everyone who lives on the planet are greedy To many people causing grief, makes people a lil needy People putting shells in each other, so they’d be known Even more people joining gangs and running from home Lots of people ending up in the hospital do for surgery Nothing can be fixed if there isn’t people that act gently Always someone ending up in jail from bad transition Planting bombs, blowing up building, people call a mission Thinking that’s gonna give them the better recognition But it wont cause they didn’t go to school to learn edition Lots and lots of people dieing from a very bad disease So many different races, still nobody is ever pleased Always lost memories of people, wheres the donations People waiting for better hospitals transportation applications Lots of people getting outta elementary, searchin for jobs Grumpy old people just live to survive, but are such slobs Theres always someone in the way, still no admiration Lots decide the way to go is down hill not up for elevation To many people thinking there strong like a wizard or rebel Possibly they need to step back, to see the ghetto gospel.. -Parallel |
I smell murder and see fire at every single corner
Im the only human been ready to defeat the evil genie Evil genie is not specificaly the satan,its all us women and men were like bee's and cinanum,we dont fit,we dont understand The topic is usaly used to imagine a tragic shit Speaking the truth talking about democatrick and alcoholick Bush is actually the real demon dat we need to stop right? Without him the light could shine bright,cuz sky is gray,war is on No ones perfect,no ones great,errbody hates,life's a mistake So finaly Hell On Earth is already created,stoping it while im alive Its like a Tv reality show,its live,in front of your eyes, Open it so you could realise,thats why im here just to try This could be easy as pie,youd be surprise,just open ur mind get by and apply,before i die i want to wish you a kiss you goodbye I dream of a perfect world so i could call this topic"paradise on earth" Dream of a new world could birth,its worth,try it,im tired make it realise and admire the desire dat you just created So wake up and stop hell even tho its hard,even tho i hate it |
upiimmnn..........................................
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This was feedback posted for •Para¶el•
nice drop fam....checking the polls...............
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This was feedback posted for •Para¶el•
•Para¶el•: storyline was good,stayed on topic very well. Vocab was good, had good balance between complex and basic. Emotion was there, maybe you could've had more indepth imagery. It felt as if you only gave the global look on it, didn't dug any deeper for more emotional (perhaps even personal) experiences.But overall,this was a good drop...Flow n structure were tight,described everything quite well...good job!
[b]Damian[/b: fix your structure,it'll be easier to read and feel your flow. Vocab was good, emotion was raw. Nice approach of the topic, gave some more personal views on it which I liked.Not always feeling your flow,had nice multis here and there,good imagery,vivid way to describe everything. Good drop! This is a close battle so I'm going to go with the drop I was feeling just a little more...and that's •Para¶el•.No hate to Damian cause you had a nice verse too! Good battle people! (can't vote unfortunately) |
This was feedback posted for Damian
checkin polls. Good verse Damian.
And you Parallel |
thanks....but i would like soem votes.............
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^Shouldn't have put the posts that high, it's hard to get any votes on topicals as it is...But good job though, hope you get some votes...or i'll hurry to get to those 709 posts ;)
DQ |
Voted For: •Para¶el•
give this one to this home boy becuase I followed his topic very well you had some good stuff also but is sounded like poetry more to me then a topical. The multis the vocab and the wordplay is what helped u get this vote from me and most of all you had no stretched lines no beef just keep elevating. i give ya a 8/10 hit up on my links peace |
Quote:
ya i know your a good voter and you knwo what your talking about but theres lto of cats even over 700 posts that dont know wtf there saying so iunnno... |
Voted For: •Para¶el•
alrite this in the end was an easy decision for me to make.... parallel was superior to dam in this battle, para has elevated well in topicals recently n came wiv a nice verse here... para - flow was dope n neva went off point, structure good, vocab i liked alot and i felt a gud degree of emotion in there, good stuff fam dam - neva seen ya do topicals before n this was o.k but i didnt think it rhymed very well first off....example = 'Evil genie is not specificaly the satan,its all us women and men were like bee's and cinanum,we dont fit,we dont understand' ^^^this doesn't rhyme....structure n emotion were o.k but out classed here, keep elevating pz can y'all hit this topical battle wiv final, thx... http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=170089 |
This was feedback posted for Damian
checkin the fuckin pollz.............................
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