50haters topical ( walkin in on ur gurl with another man)
 

How could you when I cam in like a bird for it felt like as if I flew.
Seeing you their naked from the head down with my pal that I now call a jew
Takin my thoughts and takin them slowly for they do not matter to you.
when we first met I thought you where my world but all u did was turn blue.
my heart is broken my manhood is shattered.
so with no second to spare I pack my things as a 1-2-3 batter.
Seeing you on him like that,
makes me want to give you my gun that goes ratty tat tat.


feedback peace

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=172312

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1897842


http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1897850

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1898437



http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=171887

need some feed uppin dis shit.

yo dog nto to fuckin bad at all
man dis wat this site needs tatent yo i made a thread bitchen about not
gettin any feed back an some fucks think i was rappen now im laughten
bitter love check it out man oh walked on i spent some time on its short but i aint gonna site here an write out a five min piece cb83

still upppin for some feedback peace.

it's not bad at all, but the first 4 lines or a bit too long, or you rap fast, but it's okay 6/10

im not feelin it man hoestly you streched a few lines the flow was off a lil bit it was kinda short and i think it should of been longer work on vocab it helps trust me it was ok not da best doe 4/10