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-   -   battle (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=172666)

Effect 01-18-05 08:04 AM

battle
 
i'ma rip my enemys up worse than a fuckin helicopter prepella
kill ya like good fellas and rip you from the inside like an umbrella
Your just a fake get your fuckin face smashed into tiny peaces
Frenzics wouldn't understand wat ya were thinkin ya a dif specie
My flows dark and it's gonna fuckin blow ya away like storms
worse than the sunamaie im twisiting your body in dif forms
giving you down syndrome sending you natzies back home
you an't belong in the rap game try rockin wid the rolling stones
You homos with no flows you always fail to rock my shows
you just blow hoes im'a make you float punching ya in the nose
So hard your face will explode im makin your whole soul erode
my rhymes are complicated codes leaving your brain slow
Im onbcene im like a fucking recking machiene just mean
sweaping you emcees clean jabbing buture knifes into ya spleens
im sweat im hotter than fires heat im'a strangle u 2 death wid my feet
like golden eye but i'd rather give you a thrash wid hands and beat!
Now who here thinks I got some skills...

Adrenaline 01-18-05 08:28 AM

yo I thought u were aiight...u had some good multi's...ur flow is good, but that's pretty much it for me I would say work on your spelling. If u wrote that then u should be trying to convey something stronger than just a free, but if u didn't write it I understand but still try to put more meaning in this cuz some of the stuff u were saying were pretty boring. :thumbup:

Effect 01-18-05 08:30 AM

uh huh woteva.....................................

Dex 01-18-05 08:39 AM

was good man i liked it defo.

Ya multis were being rocked hard and fast with great effect. I saw a few metaphors and a some multi-meanings in there. Flow was cool. Structure was good. This made it easy to read and pleasing to follow. Spelling a bit off on some things. Mostly i noticed "sunamaie" (Tsunami) -This was quite blatant but a good verse. Always know its good wen the only real problem was spelling and wen your getting ya stuff typed quickly you aint got time to worry bout the spelling.

Other than that, the only other suggestion i have is that if you put in a couple of little lines to make us laugh or at least snigger. -Only two or three it would be tip-top-notch! But then it wasnt really about that, it was more of a big-up-yourself piece.

La Cosa Nostra 01-18-05 08:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sinner
helicopter prepella
You been listening to eminem freestyles..


But anyway, the actual verse wasnt really saying anything at all.. No multies, half decent flow, and your lyrics had no substance.. Also concearning your PM, dont call your text freestyles, because their not.. Even keystyling is a weak term, when your writing something your writing something, writing it fast is still not freestyling for the simple fact that you can backspace.. Next rhyme you write, try and actually say something with your lyrics.. Give a message, or write a story.. Just try and give it some sort of direction instead of mindlessly going off on a tangent..

Goodluck..

Effect 01-18-05 09:08 AM

alrite I will do next time I did this whole verse in like 10 mins so it was a quick freestyle...

Dex 01-18-05 09:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nostradamus
You been listening to eminem freestyles..


But anyway, the actual verse wasnt really saying anything at all.. No multies, half decent flow, and your lyrics had no substance.. Also concearning your PM, dont call your text freestyles, because their not.. Even keystyling is a weak term, when your writing something your writing something, writing it fast is still not freestyling for the simple fact that you can backspace.. Next rhyme you write, try and actually say something with your lyrics.. Give a message, or write a story.. Just try and give it some sort of direction instead of mindlessly going off on a tangent..

Goodluck..



-Not too sure he was reading the same verse i was.

Da_Throwdest 02-19-05 12:32 AM

it was a nice lil keystyle u did pretty good in my opinion keep it up


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