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Influences.
|...The Scene...|
Wilted flower's droop to the breeze of whisper's of air. While basking in the elusive lord's retreat namely his lair. Hand's carved scenery to reincapture mind's and display perfection. Untouched stationary's slaving to rid evil & enforce correction. Tree's wilt and shadow the soil, to discreet plantation birth. Scene's untouched by men alike, no wound's on bark for axe's to insert. Landscape's provide haven for animal's to bask in god's glory. Mind's unravel upon presence of nature, a heart-felt story. Bush's twine and twist amongst trunk's, & array's of petal's. Non-industrialist, sweet oudor's instead of molten metal's. |...Human Influence...| Nature hidden away from the malicous pupil's of destruction. To halt the advance of tree-cutting, and soothe tree dweller reduction. Motion's of the air affect action's of petal's & illuminate the horizon. While nature's imagination's direct anger on lumberjack's, and despise-em. Tree bark withhold's spirit's and embossed image's of entity's. Seducing colour's fulfill flower formation's & highlight natural remedy. Pilgrim's scripture's bestowed in nature's tool's and reserve's. Blossoming taking place, and vine's galavanting with olive's & herb's. Vision's of natural waste, & every tree death & animal fatality's. ...Shatter as my mind slip's back to life, & persistent reality's. This was a topical battle verse, and due to certain reason's i put this is OM form for feedback, tell me what you think. |
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i liked it alot....there was alot of imagery so i can picture it in my minds eye. i liked the vocab alot...thats what brings out all the emotion. um...the story is what enviromentalists or liberals like to think when it comes to these issues. oh and sorry for the inadequate feedback...everything is still new to me...ha...back then we didnt have to leave so much...well i wont go on with the b/s ha...pz...
8/10 |
Eh, thank's for the feedback?...
Upping for explained feedback and criticism. |
Lol at the edit, upping.
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damn fam..didnt know u could come dis nice......(lookin forward 2 our collab)
-gd vocab -on point structure -flow a lil bit choppy -vivid imagery -deep emotion overall-8.6/10 :thumbup: - keep droppin n reppin :thumbup: |
Thank's for the feed fam, upping.
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Upping for feed/critique.
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Upping for some more feedback.
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this is nice man...you had some pretty good vocabulary...deep emotions...story was very nice...but flow was a little off tho...but overall this is a pretty good drop...8.5/10
return tha favor on my "Twizted Government Diss" |
Thank's for the feedback, upping.
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Upping this foo's....
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