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M.A.F.i.A vs Melancholy
Battle Rules:
20-26 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting This is a topical battle. The Topic Is...Missing Someone... ...Good Luck... Minimum posts to vote: 100 Check in by: 01-29-05 at 01:27 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Melancholy has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-26-05 01:32 PM.
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M.A.F.i.A has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-26-05 01:52 PM.
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It was the last day, if only i knew before/
I woulda stopped ma baby before she walked out that door/ God took her to early, for she had not yet lived life/ Now she cant live to be my laufly wedded wife/ I looked out the window to see my baby walk/ But her beuty faded, when she felt tha rath from that glock/ Red stains on her white dress/ Since her death i cannot rest/ Why would this happen, for who did she hurt/ Someone had to of stalked more than slim shady lurks/ Sweet as can be/ EverY guys dream/ Now as i sit here lonlier than ever/ I dwell on our love that would have lasted forever/ Head in my pillow, soaked by my lonesome tears/ Replaying her voice from my brain to my ears/ She feels closer than ever, as if we were making a connection/ Remembering the last time i showed her my love and affection/ If only god was to give me one chance to relive my love and stop her from dying/ I would not have to end every nite by myself crying/ 2 months later, i had visited the grave/ To visit my baby that i could not save/ |
^^^uppin for votes he dont gutta post, ima win ne ways
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I will be showing...don't fuckin' worry...........
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The way I miss you...it's like I'm missing my heart... ...In a dark cold place...the vile sweetnes of sorrow is tart I sit alone...the wind rustling the curtians of my room... ...The candlelight relfects off of the bottle...casting a shadowy gloom Another shot down...another tear down my cheek... ...It feels like years...and its only been a couple of weeks The emptiness in my skin...the shivers through my flesh... ...I just think and sit...when am I going to see you next..? Do you even miss me too? Confusion in my head... ...I can feel the dread...already I may as well be dead I die inside...phsyically I am beginning to fade... ...The way that it feels like a year...and its only a day I write down the poem...I am writing in my drunkeness... ...Because how much I love you...only poetry can confess I love you so much...and I miss you every second... ...If I don't see you soon...I will die, my own hands as a weapon I sit and cry...just dreaming and I am lost in recollection... ....You are the most purest thing in my life, my own deinfection I miss you so much...and it sends fierce chills down my back... ....The bottle cracks, as I let the rest of the whiskey slide back.... ...Quick...I've peep this kids shit, this should be enough... |
Voted For: Melancholy
V/Melancholy....this was a good topical battle i felt both verses......melancholy u had good vocab an structure was perfect i voted for u cause u expressed the topic good....wit good detail an imagination....Mafia...ur verse wasn't the best u had sum good points but u feel off the topic alot u need to use more detail an vocab not so basic be more creative.....no hate.....good battle to both of u..... V/Melancholy...... *RETURN THE FAVOR* |
Voted For: Melancholy
This goes to Melancholy... Had way better structure, found good balance between complex and basic vocabulary. Was also feeling your flow and the emotion was raw, good imagery and vivid way of describing things!Good job! As for Mafia...yours had potential, good emotion and such but you could've worked it out a little better. Especially the structure and the length of your sentences, this definately doesn't improve your flow. Vocab was tight though...overall decent drop! RTF... |
This was feedback posted for M.A.F.i.A
yo, maaffiiiaaa .. you took this my dude ! ! ! ! !
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Uppin' to close this...................................
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Uppin'............................................
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Voted For: M.A.F.i.A
i vote for him becuz he had better shit..........whack battle yo.......damn |
Voted For: Melancholy
good drop nice punches and vocab....peace |
This was feedback posted for M.A.F.i.A
polllzzzzzzzzzz,.................................
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