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CopyWrite vs final
Battle Rules:
16 Lines Max No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting This is a topical battle.if you dont understand something in both verses DONT VOTE please...thanks Topic : Deaths Struggle Minimum posts to vote: 400 Check in by: 01-27-05 at 03:29 PM Must drop verse in 720 minutes after check in. |
Copywrite has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-27-05 03:00 PM.
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final has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-27-05 03:00 PM.
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Topic-Death's Struggle superior faces torn criteria of races feeble kind commited genocide vaxine gasp's every breath corrupted molicues exumed like paroxide fighting prevails useless frequently vast death thresh hold on man's nation dark, shadows the wall provided the scene studders with english translation a meir pawn revolutionized with little potential suicidal is his only credential fear warrants vale situations amongst hesitations incripted essential token of silence forsaken's violence harsh reprecusions are questionable evil carrys many identity's majestic lies art of "tall tales" objects impressionable technique's evolve mastered like poetic words death is forever captured blood spilled for reason plastered vendettas carried out an raptured infested diseases proclaim lives as was jesus crosses crucified contested youths materialize homacide look and ask who survived? divine addictions twined restrictions doomed prescriptions homeless evictions all mark the end of a era unforgetable hard saught thoughts revinve deaths enetible exumed expressions at fault reguarding times period laced without no gloves death?just in our own minds scriptures fact non fiction confliction?we killin our own selves |
It lingers and abandones organisms souls with ease
and effects everything...no measure to how deep the grief seeps the dark light...exhausted walls crumbling is its signature a spark from rusty pipes brightens the hallway listeners a fluid of the deceased speeds to the unknowing victims pissed off spirits cause shreaks and screams throughout the buildings system the humans have trespassed an entrance to a world they cant grasp locked and shackled they gasped to the fact that they cant go back plotted a plan take the axe, strike the door till its impaled... ...sleak steel was noticed therefore the plan was to no avail the spirits were coming...the humans position was locked down but they ran, so not to be enslaved like dogs at an impound a blurred light appeared to all and at that moment they gazed... ...jogged to it but was haulted by an unseen wall in a maze ignited by fury there must be a way to get back home nope, theyre stranded in the dimension known as the twilight zone... Good Luck... |
uppin............................................. .
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Voted For: final
Emotion-Didn't feel much emotion from either one of you. I think that Final gets this, but barely. Copywrite, some emotion, but not a lot. Imagery-Final, decent imagery. Copywrite, had a lot of metaphors but almost no imagry. Work on imagry. Structure-Tie, both had decent structure. Vocabulary-Copywrite, kind of obvious you get this. Either your vocabulary is the size of a thesaurus, or you looked in one. Final, aight vocab, but inadequate compared to Copywrite. Story Line-Neither really had one. Flow- Final, decent flow. Your vocab helped it keep going. Fell off very little. Copywrite, didn't have any flow, at all. This would be an aight poem, but you had almost no flow. Final, an aight drop. Not your best work though. Twilight zone thing is an ok twist, but not that great. Overall I liked it, but you've done better. 7/10 Copywrite, a topical has flow, a poem doesn't have to. Your vocab was good, except it threw off your flow to the point that you didn't have any. Listen to a beat and write a topical to that beat, because that is what a topical is. 4/10 No Hate Just An Honest Voter v/final One Vote, One Battle, One Win. |
i can tell personify doesnt know shit about topicals so.........shitty vote.........
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uppin............................................. .dont bitch just because you dont get a vote...topicals arent about 100% vocab
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This was feedback posted for Copywrite
I laughed the second time you said "exumed"...
Ahahahahahahaha... |
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