Diamond in the Sky
 

This is just a freestyle about me so if you don't like it...don't read it.

Sometimes i feel i'm so bad at this
rabid spits are my habit
this rap it's fit for a mav-er-ick
still i feel so inadequate
travel trips just to gather bits
grab and twist and unravel it
try to imagine it
and at times i feel i would rather quit
ain't got a steady hand
i'm not a steady man
i'm still a boy i just claim i can do what these men can
i get so racked with rage
cause i push and i pant
i don't even act my age
wish i could but i can't
my dope dreams
they all float through my hope streams
all my notes and my quotes
wrote from my hope cause my hope beams
my rope seems
that the most of it's toast
and if i don't roll i'm a coast
boasting the most of the most please that's show
sometimes i waste my talent
and i try and i try
sometimes i try not to try and i don't even know why
i look up at the night time it reflects in my eye
i feel i'm just another diamond in the sky

Maybe you seen it before. i posted it but got no feed so i just wanted feed on it so what yall think.

pretty hot dawg
keep writing, nice vocab

This was a nice piece man ! ... i was feelin the emotion ... i wasnt really into the structure ... but the expression was strong and i like the Vocab and wordplay ! ... nice man ! ...

Peace !!

~1~

good multis good wordplay, structure needs work gave me something to think about complexity was pretty good, it was pretty deep keep the hits coming. We should do a collab sometime.

Decent...nothing great though.

I'm just gonna disregard the first 3 responses to this thread.

Yeah, it was a good piece, had some good insight to it about you. I could tell this was something you put effort and emotion into, and I was feelin' it. This seems like something if you altered it a little bit you could drop as a track, if you do audio, that is...

thanks yall for the feedback even the one planted in the middle that brings my total criticism down to 6 uppin for feedback

pretty hot dawg
keep writing, nice vocab

i keep my promises.. :thumbup: i believe that your lines were pretty short BUT the way your worded everything was very nice.. my favorite parts were:

i'm not a steady man
i'm still a boy i just claim i can do what these men can
i get so racked with rage
cause i push and i pant
i don't even act my age
wish i could but i can't
my dope dreams
they all float through my hope streams
^^you were straight forward with your content but it was a good thing in this case...

Thanks everybody that gave real feed back and honest feedback...and both uppin for more feedback

Let's start with the strongest aspect of your piece: had a very emotional yet powerful vibe over it. Felt like raw spitting from the core, just what you were feeling written down. Structure wasn't that great with the short lines and such but it didn't affect the emotion and message in this drop. Insightful and self-conscious, looked within yourself...

Solid drop!

DQ

this was a nice piece, i caught onto the flow quite quickly, need to work on your structure a little bit though...make your lines longer but overall a pretty emotional, deep piece....keep doing it....7/10

yo up this for some feedback........................

i enjoyed reading it u got nice vocab thru out & i like da wordplay keep up the good work fam