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Hells Fire Vs. ~Babylon~
Check in's due before tuesday 12 A.M. Pacific Time Verses Due before friday 12 A.M. Pacific Time Line Limit: 20-50 Lines Max First to 3 votes win 3-0 = KO You must vote in 2 other battles or you will not continue on into the next round. Topic: Uneeded Attention |
check........................
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checkin in this is suppose to be my battle as Hells Fire we get an extention so i can drop tonight/tomorrow and so he has time to drop
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just drop a verse, if he doens't drop then he looses
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Uneeded Attention
Intro
Apocolypse brought added pressure at my expense fingers prints still warm disc pleasure made mix tense chest n pits perspiration, mest n wits menstration blest head condensation, prest mind migranation Uneeded Attention Paparatzi snap in photos blast, actin Fonzi emotional cast everyone watch me talkin fast, lookin drowzi criticizin ass nerotic but not goin depression, allergic to negative tension symbiotic struggle progression, ambiotic feelin condition air fails to come in anxiety hittin, all these people starin n lookin im shakin from society new flash, mtv news notority sets dash whats the news on Hells, what image he tryin to sell, oh well he hittin news on bells, payin homage defyin tells, begin swell hippotonic cant take the pressure, anyerotic pop in vessel hypertonic solution turn stressor, doctor meds leave measure why so many citizen why so uprest, like gondi hopin for budapest my scripture put to rapper test, now i need blood for rapes test spittin fissure and soul to rest, media at home upsettin mom lupus i fire back questionin morality and where in lies hope in your morality i try to teach yall systematically and ya'll react dope then verbally not money i want rap royality, to have a crown to succeed triumphantly set money for my mom to eat, get oppression outta black what a feat to rap actual lines without beef, to sell record without pills to reef sleep disorder like reggie white, i wake up barily breathe life weep for self and others afterlife, lustin ladies connection to wife daysed like my name coulda went hayes, my eyes race to find rays amazed by nas fame need to find ways, to vibrate waves like earthquakes these viens pulse, my heart beats too, these lies false, my mark is true these fines walse, my box is corner blue, my thighs pulse, what will i do annomosity left hate in state o mind, listin melody right NY state o mind poetically finished if ya want rewind, attentionally uneeded intended incline.. yo i spit this in fifteen so the time was good ill leave the piece up to you |
sorry about the structure im tired as hell and missed the italics and centerin
I will edit the structure if you want me to. Px |
cant C a babylon drop and ots past extended time limit....
Vote = Hells Fire |
its not past time limit we got an extintion...........
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"The Drive - uneeded attention"
. . . . . . . . . . eyes starin' hard, in the distance glarin' a far who apparently are, very aware of my car I tightly grip the wheal, then slightly rip and peal tires skid on concrete, and still theres eyes I feal penitrating my mind, anger, tempting at time feeling sentimental, eyes water, venting is fine I reach a stop light, the eyes, wish i could stop sight guy throws a drink, but theres a cop to stop a fight I love to be alive, but i hate life, for the buggy i drive little peice of shit, I mean it even smells muggy and dry its either green or teal, ugly and ubseen for real the green is ill, when I bought it sorta seem to apeal . . . . . . . its cold how they just stood there and wouldnt pass they just made fun, even a lil' old woman sat and laughed this peice of trash, the stick stuck, the engine shut down I must now, bust out, cuz the car door is stuck now they start throwing things again, their guilty as sin cars looking more silly then, with a more filthier trend soon their throwing bottles of snapple, and old rotten apples I'm caught in a grapple, someone stop these lil' assholes I break through the window, mad by at least ten fold I see back of car, and think why I have such bastard ken folk cuz I see a stupid sign that says, "Fuck me for real yo" I'm gonna kill these sicko's.............. ...........I mean they even pasted some fake tits and a dildo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ~Babz~ Structure edited at Babylon's request. Px |
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Hells Fire: You need to work on your topicals. They make sense, but barely. Internal rhymes were aight, but overall lacking in what I consider a topical. Vocab was ok, but it makes your topical too complicated. Flow was off a lot. Work on your spelling too. 5/10
Babylon: I couldn't help but laugh when I read this. Overall, I like how you twisted the topic, and your flow was down. Overall, work on writing more complex and in depth verses, you have 50 lines. 7/10 v/~Babylon~ |
I'll drop a vote tomorrow... Too drunk right now...
Don't even fuck with me on my spelling... I'm always godly at punctuation. |
~Babylon~ I know you voted on some battles, but I need you to drop your links. All finished topicals are in the sub forum, so please go find them, and post them, or else I have to DQ you.
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Thanks.......px
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