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-   -   Feel The Emotion (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=176212)

Blackmage 02-08-05 09:49 PM

Feel The Emotion
 
A lot of things exist we really can't see
like the air we even breathe and our gravity
we have a blind faith in wimsical things gods as mystical kings
is it possible emotion is a physical thing
see when you're nervous your mind races your heart paces
your knees get weak you can't sleep dead on your feet
you start sweating and your hands shake
motor skills deteriorate feel your exterior's inferior wait
when your tense their's tension everywhere you feel it right
cut it with a knife in fifty slices like a pie and might, take a bite
shoulders tight muscles flexxed rustle respect for yourself
tussle regret to the death along with thoughts of failure fail or
pour in hate and everyone can corrolate
that's just anger and fear's - subordinate but anyway
even hear a name
and anger enters your blood and hones
burns up your blood muscle tones
hard as stones not unlike your bones listen
saddness and pain
hurt by the baddness and rain
you feel their pain radiate from their vein's in waves
tightness in your throat the feeling in your waist
feeling your a waste tears streaming down your face
feeling disgraced with a throbbing headache
chokin on wailsand painful thoughts caught moaping
laying physically mental and emotionally heartbroken
and happiness is radiance steady increasing gradience
you live in glee and feed off your light and others will parasite
(space)unhappy thoughts are only memories no enemies
this glee is so into me to infinity i'm feeling divinity
glee is shimmering light hearted i could float away
my footsteps feeling easier my air is cool it's breezier
(space)then there's love no feeling above
symbolized by hearts and hugs
kisses and doves
so vicious is love
your mind clean but you dream of the subject
to the point where two days without a word go by you start to get upset
ball in the pit of your stomach fluttering butterflies
warm in the winter cold chills you feel in the summertime
underline summertime time which you spent together
no matter the weather whether forever it's dry or wetter
it's better your eyes together the time you spend is pure splendor
and whether the ender's lesser or better you'll never forget her
and never say never this emotion's reduced the thugs
playboys players or cuz and studs to puddles of mud
and love, passing through can create all of the above
make you feel low as a slug or high as a dove
that's why it's love so let's review
although i only said a few
i figure this is plenty all i need proceeded to proove
nervousness can weigh you down
happiness can lift you up
breathing love it's in the air and the tension can get cut
hate manifests on the inside gets ready too blow up
and that's not all of the emotions it's hard to know what does what
but if you take a hollow bottle and bottle em up then pitch it
alone their harmless regardless together can cause a sickness
and even physical problems bubblin cauldrons of cancer
(space)lookin for solutions to questions that have no answer
without a chance or, maybe i just convinced you
an argumentative issue stuck in your intuitive tissue
have i stirred your curiousity my mind is motionless still
cause that's an emotion too but curiousity kills

DQ 02-11-05 02:50 PM

This was LONG ass read but it was nice though. Structure needs some fixing though, could've divided it into paragraphs or seperate poems (feedback will come quicker). The emotion was raw and I was definately feeling what you were trying to say here. Liked the continuous change of pace in your poem, your vocab was good and imagery was tight.It'll be hard to get much feedback on this, maybe you can edit it and make it bit shorter (divide it into several poems). Just a thought...shame to see this getting wasted you know...

DQ

Blackmage 02-18-05 03:37 PM

i really need some feed on this yall come on..........

*Phantom* 02-18-05 05:25 PM

pretty good fam. work on your styructure and vocab. other than that it was cool. 7.5/10

MC IgGY 02-18-05 08:14 PM

nice rhymes dawg
good job

Da_Throwdest 02-20-05 09:41 PM

good job nawmean just work on ur structure & fix it up wordplay wise like ur 1st 2 & u'll b good 2 go


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