This Reality
 

the bow down, the breath.. just breathe

so discreate, yet the intention behind it
was what in the end drove it in to its own subtle seclusion.

the facade.. the simple illusion
was this really what we had worked so hard for?

in this reality ...really sometimes a single breath can say more than a thousand words

its hard to speak...

for yourself when you only speak what is heard

i can't expect anymore from you than what you would expect from me

still this reality stand upon my shoulders like the hand of my dearly departed

something so sadistic...but for all ...still predicted...no more lies filled with the deepest feelings of a heart felt gasp

...for nothing

this reality to me is what i have created...my slow sedation ...my way out

finally this reality has come to terms with its own reality .

as this heart beats for now never seemed like always

now all i ask is a helping hand back to "this reality"


cc

it'z str8 u got sumthin good material in diz only thang is u should structure this joint betta, & elaborate more go into depth wit each topic u write bout 4 future reference make sure 2 sho more emotion ight but overall is 7.0/10 good work keep up the good work

i thought this was a great poem....i bolded the words i liked the best, if you dont like that i did that, then i will fix it, but i think this is by far one of the best pieces i've read here...you really have the idea, good vocabulary, and you captured some good thoughts and feelings, your structure doesnt bother me since, some of your lines would go otherwise unnoticed if it was jumbled together...keep dropping.1

Emotion was raw and very strong in this poem, like the concept you went with. Don't really mind your structure, creates a bit of confusion and forces the readers to really focus on what you're saying.

its hard to speak...

for yourself when you only speak what is heard
^liking these...

You make your readers think about some stuff which is someting I am definately feeling. Vocab was good as well, not too basic but not too complex either. Good job!

DQ