RapVerse.com Community

RapVerse.com Community (http://community.rapverse.com/index.php)
-   Poetic Scriptures (http://community.rapverse.com/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Through My Eyes (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=179467)

X-§tatic 02-28-05 05:13 PM

Through My Eyes
 
Through my eyes, you witness Birth
Through my eyes, plagued by a Curse
Through my eyes, a battered Child Hood
Through my eyes, a young man Misunderstood
Through my eyes, you see street races Fly By
Through my eyes, you see multiple Drive Bys
Through my eyes, you witness a loved ones Death
Through my eyes, your best friend takes his last Breathe
Through my eyes, many Shoulders Broke
Through my eyes, witness multiple Over Doses
Through my eyes, watch and witness violence Unfold
Through my eyes, bullet wounds take their Toll
Through my eyes, many Lines Are Crossed
Through my eyes, many Lives Are Lost
Through my eyes, bullets and brains trade Places
Through my eyes, witness horror of dismantled Faces
Through my eyes, Many Thugs Dead and Pumped Lead
Through my eyes, witness alot of Blood Shed
Through my eyes, see the better for the Worst Man
Through my eyes, witness death First Hand
Through my eyes, dreams of life Foiled and Spoiled
Through my eyes, buried beneath the cold Soil

fluidmoon 02-28-05 05:32 PM

This was a pretty good poem, i liked the way you set it up, your structure, your words, nice use of the words thru my eyes, although, you could have spaced it out better, and not overcrowded your verse so much, but overall it was nice, keep dropping.1

Macca 02-28-05 06:39 PM

Pretty abusive. I wasn't reall feeling it. You gotta work on your emothing a bit more. I liked it and all but just work on how you word it.

Red Stroke 03-02-05 09:08 PM

Naw, Man Work On Your Emotion Man This Wasn't Poetry But It's Still Your First Try You'll Elevate


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:40 PM.