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-   -   bored so i wrote this (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=179526)

Bangalore 02-28-05 08:19 PM

bored so i wrote this
 
this palm... as its turned to catch the rain
i imagine your image and your still the same
now if . i could just muster up the courage
and just whisper.... your ...name
rolling my hand upon your cheek
you stand there and as you begin to speak
your lips-...- just move like they do
but nothing comes out . except forgotten "I love you's"
caught up in a moment of pure serenity
your values . we have matched our societies
now as i play you this melody.
i'll make sure to sing it plain and slow
just so... you can hear my voice
this night. as cold and wet as it is
could never be . so perfect
all i ask as i stand in ..the..wind
would you...just take my hand?
if i offered it?
just wait . this moment will pass
soft like the melody. but shatters like glass.
our silence is broken up by.. this reality .

fluidmoon 02-28-05 11:53 PM

wow, dope, very well written, the best so far, that i've read from you, nice vocabulary and use of metaphors here, keep it up.1

Bangalore 03-01-05 04:39 PM

thanks it took me 5 mins to write that thing haha...get at me on aim sometime...

Macca 03-01-05 06:44 PM

Nice. I like your rhyming and you could work on your structure. Your flow was off but still it was pretty decent. Good job and keep em coming.


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