"a Breathing Carcass"
 

Have you ever felt that you were
at the bottom of the food chain?
Why did God give us nerves to feel so much pain?
Feeling those rigid jaws chewing,
Nibbling my precious, unstylish body
With claws that slash through my flesh
The only sound is my screaming
Becoming?
A breathing carcass
¼ of myself is missing
As the Earth lies there and watches
The beast and I are silhouetted
like two lovers in the murky shadows
I’m dying
But the pain does not cease
The beast devours my body and all its wealth
And I chant…… I chant death
Can you picture this torment?
My body paralyzed, my mouth glutted with blood
Only to cover my screams
My screams…

wow, where did dis shit come from ... dope/
u got mad talent boo no doubt/
U got so many ideas ... and they all came out
prue illness ..
We should collab some time .. holla

~1~

ight dimond no doubt i feel u on dat and thnx 4 always givin me da luv uno.

keep uppin!!!!!!!1

damn synickle...this is a great example that poetry doesnt need to rhyme to be good...


...a very deep and powerful piece in its own sense...and some of the lines...like:

As the Earth lies there and watches
The beast and I are silhouetted
like two lovers in the murky shadows
I’m dying


were excellent...at times breathtaking in there own right...


Well all i can say is...this piece HAS MOST DEF hit hard and deep...i feel you for sure on this...how one can become become soul-less and whatnot...becoming one with death and whatnot...well i aint going to go any further...



but damn - seriously, you really do have some game going there...you have the variation, the ability to capture the pure essence of what you are depicting, usage of vocab is excellent, and you let your artistic 'vision' not be dicated too much by the structure and what not..


keep em coming...i'll read more later (probably tomorrow)...

...respect...

thanx man keep uppin ppls!!!

yo i owe you you reply to my peices so im here to make up for some lost replies for you

The beast devours my body and all its wealth
And I chant…… I chant death


that peice wa smy fave short and structured poem but that bar wa slike hmmm kinda creepy feelin ya no

definty a nice lil poem you got there and il be lookin for more whenver im on this site

nice poem ther syn

shaynea

nuttin but luv

KEEP UPPIN!!!