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-   -   what you gonna do? (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=181169)

Effect 03-10-05 01:44 PM

what you gonna do?
 
I am so damn unstable from this life
if I die i wouldn't wanna live on earth twice
people don't realize how much ive been torchered
ive been through it all and still got more in order
trying to get myself back and stand up and face
but eventually realitys gonna put you in ya place
so stand back cause im just about to break
when im sleeping I wish i couldn't even wake
all these haters jumping at me like little snakes
makin my mind crack so im tempting your fate
step back in line im about to lose my mind
and theres no signs i'll show remorse for ur kind
thinkin about my mistakes gettin back on my feet
your bitter words now don't have effect on me
so try again yes ive got the creative best side
that'll take differen't places so come and ride
I don't even know why im here im not human
don't like what i say you can try sue then
sick of other rappers trying to give me critics
when half of you can't even think of decent lyrics
so put my tape on the set listen to me for a sec
and watch me make money faster than a check
put my music on ya decks make room for effect
leaving you nobodys follow behind in reject
life will kick you in ass so you best run fast
people don't want you they just want ya cash
I had to learn from my mistakes now im back
ready to blow you away with such powerful rap

you an't gonna bring no hate
you an't got no time for a debate
I don't wanna have to hate
but if you keep this going
im gonna break!

Break!!!!!! repeat 3 times

Effect 03-10-05 03:20 PM

upping for feedback

The Militant 03-10-05 03:41 PM

nice piece here man good rhymes almost perfect flow a lil breaks in there but stayed on topic all the way through good structre ya got some sick shit man

please return the favor in my open mic "BITTERPHOBIA" links in my sig

Effect 03-10-05 03:48 PM

thanks for the feed back

villagepimp 03-10-05 03:54 PM

6/10 you could really work on alot of things here...

And you know what you do bad and what you do good so I'm not going to sit here and preach to you.

Anyways... return the feedback on my open mic "you don't know me"

Effect 03-10-05 03:58 PM

what do i need to work on den? and why bother droppin shit feed this song was good.. jelous faggot.

villagepimp 03-10-05 04:01 PM

like multi sylabol rhymes... really poor job at the end of your lines using this technique.
Very amature usage of multis and played metaphors...

You wanted to know what you did wrong now there it is. I'm not jealous... I figured since you've been here a while you knew what you did wrong. However you did a GOOD job of showing emotion... which is cool.

If you could leave some feedback on my open mic "you don't know me" I'd appreciate it.

Effect 03-11-05 04:12 AM

ok then i thought u were hating it's kool i'll try and improve in what you say but did I have tight lyrics if i get better i'll be able to improve alot...

Mel GripSon 03-11-05 07:29 AM

that was garbage........

Speats 03-11-05 07:44 AM

notbad man,not bad at all.7/10, i liked it,nice structure,nice flow,nice vocab,nice everything but not enought to have a 10...good drop man

rtf:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=181224

p4ntzistheish 03-11-05 03:24 PM

it was a good drop, could be better but i liked it lol...nice flow and structure, vocab was cool....8/10...RTF at "T.E.L.N.O." or "Blah Blah"...or both lol

E.C 03-11-05 04:33 PM

yh it was good but it couldav been better... personally i liked it.... try to use multies in it... but u stayed to your stroy and it was good... keep it up 7/10


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