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Try and relate to This
This is a lil topical joint I jus came up wit about my Grandfather's death I dropped the phone and sat in silence can’t believe this is real This can’t be anything but life dishin another raw deal No appeals, seems so unreal, so I pinched my left arm Squoze it tight and broke the skin…yeah the shit did some harm So I sighed and dried my tears cuz I’m still in reality Couldn’t rise up to my feet…not in the right mentality So I just sat there for a minute still shocked in disbelief Wish my moms would come and hold me so I could feel some relief . . But wait a second u cats don’t even know the story So I’mma break it down for ya and give God all the glory . . . I’ll skip back about 5 minutes…yeah right there’s about it Sorry…had to press rewind…now we’re back lickety split 1:37 in the a.m. the phone rings…but something ain't right The tone of the phone is agitated as if expressing contrite I awake sluggishly with wintergreen scope on my breath Unaware that this phone call was concerning a death “Hello” is what I said in a deep raspy tone “Is this some kin to Johnny T I’m speaking with on this phone?” All I could think is Oh my God, but “I’m his grandson” is what I said “Well I regret to inform you this but…your grandfather is dead” . . . Fast forward to the wake where mom cries with revere Makes it clear that she’s distraught that her dad is not here It cut my family so deep…the scar left was so severe Everybody broken and cryin, I’m bein strong not sheddin tears I know it's o.k. for men to cry but, I’ll do it on my own time Cuz right now my family needs me…life ain’t seemin sublime But God brought me through the pain…lifted me to my feet Showed me Johnny T in a dream helped me become complete Told me don’t worry bout gramps I got this under control Follow my word, live ya life right and....BEHOLD . . Then he opened up the heavens and allowed me to look “You’ll be granted eternal life when we close the pages of ya book” |
C'mon uppin this shit...lets get some feedback on here
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It cut my family so deep…the scar left was so severe
Everybody broken and cryin, I’m bein strong not sheddin tears I know it's o.k. for men to cry but, I’ll do it on my own time Cuz right now my family needs me…life ain’t seemin sublime ^I can definately relate to this because when my grandpa died I couldn't cry until few months after his death I enjoyed reading this drop, the emotion was the strongest aspect of your piece and the imagery was good as well. Found a good balance with your vocab, it was suitable for the topic and you kept it quite simple to really focus on the content of your verse. I like how you managed to write down your emotions on such a sensitive topic. Good going man! DQ |
^^^Preciate ya thoughts....................lets get some feedback goin
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Lets get some moer feedback............uppin...............
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not bad mayn. shit, seems like alot of ppl bin loozin loved 1's lately.
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Preciate tha feedback, lets get some more...................uppin
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uppin this shit for feedback.....................
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Damn man c'mon...I put heart and soul into this piece...give me some type of feedback, good...bad...somethin
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I see yall lookin at it...leave some feedback
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Damn...man...last time uppin this shit
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i liked it nice drop man some good vocab structre was good flow was a lil off 7/10
keep up the work man please return the favor in on of my open mics links r in my sig |
closed no link..pm me the link..if you want this re-opened
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