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Us Against The World!
Left Feedback On: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=181784
Check it... Its easier to take your life, But i know you dont want to Cuz u gotta son, And the memory of his father haunts you Taunts you, Thats why you have trouble trusting males And why you were on the corner, Husslin for some sales On a path destined to fail, Just tryin to pass the time Clothes dirty, Thinking you nothing cuz you lack design Stashin dimes, Hopin you can sell em to feed your baby Get him on the right path, But dam these streets is crazy The government think you lazy, you need the help of wellfare But it aint enough money to eat, Just used all up on med-care Ya son, You love him, But you need a husband not to show fear So you can stop workin dead end jobs, that take you nowhere But you got thru the pain, Making sure that ya son was raised Yet you still havent grown up yourself, So everynight he prays Utterly hopin in fact, That his mother would clean up her act But gets ignored in favor of crack, All he see's is her back No reason for that, But all that matters to her is short term The roles are reversed, Now the son has to support her Even tho he cant afford to & His adolescense aint done yet He realizes his mom used to look out the window at the sunset She definately a stubborn bitch, Cuz drugs had her loving it The son supports her habit, With free money from the government Even tho he wants none of it, He doesn't have a choice Cuz his enviroment tells society that he doesnt have a voice He reads & grows smarter, His own expectations are raising So he doesnt fuck with drugs, He uses music instead of fading And its amazing, Suddenly, His whole point of view is changing Thought he wouldnt make it, But it was Hip-Hop that saved him Paved his way for a future, Fuck if he was a late bloomer Cuz hes a man now, And his moms even a straight shooter No longer a cocaine user, No longer as light as a feather It seems they gonna make it, They got their life together It's a great thing Mom, We've been through thick and thin too But i havent felt this safe, Since i was a fetus within you So i thank you, For all your lessons, And for giving me life Cuz now i realize the struggle was a way of giving advice You were right, Life is more rich than diamonds and pearl So i take comfort in this zone, Its us against the world |
how about some fucking feedback :thumbup:
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I thought this was a pretty dope piece. I like how your story evolved into something. Like a lotus, word. Your structure was flawless, and your flow was on tact, which made this a good read. I like how you thought out on what you were writing about, so your piece doesn't seem choppy in places, and that the thoughts seem well connected.
Props. |
upping for more feedback
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