the shit ive seen
 

aight im new here, so if ive fukd this post up sum1 tell me..............

i aint got a chorus yet but heres wati got so far...........

(verse 1)
this shit ive seen is no joke//
i gotta dream with no hope//
i sit n breathe in the smoke n feel like a fiend with no dope//
the grass is greener it seems from this side of the fence//
theres no denial bout the trial we survivin against//
ive seen grief in the eyes of a man getting a new lease//
n "peace" in the eyes of a man buyin a "2 peice"//
ironic aint it, ive seen a body seperate from its soul//
in scotlandwhere the freezin weathers take'n its toll//
ive seen police patrol in cold to protect the upper class//
but never where there needed neglectin the other half//
a muder in the burbs n its makin the cover pages//
a murder round here n its labled as drug related//
ive seen a starven child// ive seen a pedophile with just the right frineds to get a parden trial//
they carve'n smiles in the faces of harden juveniles//
its a cover up of the goverment thats been fuckin up//

(chorus)

(verse 2)
its like, ma life, ma pride,right my my side//
i keep write'n, when the lightnin strikes from the sky//
its frightnin, but i focus and i fight n i stive//
it seems hopeless, i wrote this with a knife by my side//
tryn to cope with, this crisis seems lifeless inside//
soldiers, out fightin with there rifles on mines//
so from the depths of the trenches//
to when u slept on the benches//
lept from the ledges but sumhow kept all ur senses//
shit......i watch the newz trippin//
sittin in sandals flickin through channels hands twitchin//
sick of the scandles listen//
ive seen a baby shake'n from scrack in its system//
on its bak n by passes had to b passed through its system//
ive seen woman who cant even have any children//
while brenda throws her baby in the trash at the bak of a buildin//
ive seen a masked villin slashin n stabbin woman, stahsin the gat after the killin, rapidly stackin his victims//

(chorus)

(verse 3)
see u can train this thug image//
but when u stray in the slums where the realy sprayin the slugs ul get layd in the mud twitchin//
im sayin, enough talk about ur maybak, shut up pick a routine//
ur either street or u glisten n gleam//
its 1 or the other tho, dont switch in between//
u live'n ur dream, but we aint got no stretch limozine//
or sittin in seats with our names stiched in the seam//
or in vid-e-os with the same shitty hoes in every sickinin scene//
or in a castle, with a taberknackle fit for a queen//
we bein hastled, n shackled from out wrists to our feet//
we in a battle, just stop n take a glimps of the scene//
n this message from ur average miss treated teen//
u aint gotta look far, theres a ghetto in every "city of dreams"//
but they dont show u on ur televison screens//
its a sickness, this twisted and sadistic machine//
would rather broadcast vicious ficticous scenes//
wishful thinking....................

yo wheres all the feedbak RV?

it was iight to be your first drop nice multies nice vocab work on structure but it iight like Tony Green tells every newbie you can only get better with time. 6/10

btw repay favor 2 links in sig!

yo can i get at least more than one reply up in here

This was fucking dope as a 200kilo bag or Super Skunk.

I was feeling it right from the start. I liked the flow and structure with the vocab and deepness.
I related to it and definately enjoyed reading it. I really hope more people read this and see how good it is.

These lines stuck out in the first verse. As i read them i thought i had to point them out.

a muder in the burbs n its makin the cover pages//
a murder round here n its labled as drug related//

ive seen a starven child// ive seen a pedophile with just the right frineds to get a parden trial//

thanx man i appreciate the feedbak u gave, can i get sum more people!?

yo i think this is gettin slept on, can i get sum more feedback on this

yo wats the deal :huh: lets get sum feedbak on this