Bear Necessities Part 1
 

I had visions 2 be a emcee like ceo of cs mr. sv,
Im rich sweet and nutty with wraps like nestle,
I constantly improve my plan 2 advance under any circumstance,
I will surpass many, and impress all, my call a perfect chance,
My family brought the best, loved ones those i hold so dear,
2 rise 2 the occassion sweat blood and tears,
2 earn this here, father bred the best, so many life tests,
Unexpected alternate moods made me crazy like ozzfest,
Never the less my mind lines rymes like depps nose in blow,
No matter the weather i just try 2 flow,
I just drop mine like a turd floating in a septic tank,
Look out for me im on the take, catch me at the bank.

:stupid: " Hes a floater. "

Drop some feedback for me. Please.

basiclly this verse sucked man.. your structure was off.. your flow was off, and you had bad vocab... and i really don't get what this verse was suppose to be about at all?? Basiclly just work on making your o.m. making sence, and no elementary rhymes...

4/10

wasn't "bear necessities" a song someone sung in some cartoon movie?

the mother fuckin jungle book... wasn't it?

naw...wasnt hittin at all man...i think u can do betta...but if u cant...give up...no hate but dats truth

-DB

I constantly improve my plan 2 advance under any circumstance,
I will surpass many, and impress all, my call a perfect chance,
^^^I liked that line.. but thats about it.. word

I posted in here because im new and dont know anything. I want 2 learn and elevate. This was the 1st verse i ever wrote before. Thank you 4 trying 2 make me feel like shit. I dont care tho. I get pussy.

And its called Bear Necessities because my famly and friends call me bear. Symbolic. And its about my thoughts on stuff.

word...........

yo that was good. good use of vocab and nice structure. the first punchline was a lil' whack though. but overall good job.