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Parallel vs Oreo
Battle Rules: Topic:The Final Fight 16-30 Lines No Dick Riding I Will Tell Strobe To Remove Any Vote I See As A Hate Vote No Bitting No Recyling No Beefing In This Thread Winner Of This Battle Will Have Bragging Rights After This Battle There Will Be No Beefing From Both Party's That's All Folks Good Luck :thumbup: Have Fun :thumbup: Minimum posts to vote: 500 Check in by: 03-29-05 at 05:55 AM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Parallel has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-29-05 02:58 AM.
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i got this shit fo sho.
and oreo dont d/r i know who your little d/r's are. also Good Luck oreo |
yeah ill take anything i can get, my first topical
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oreo has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-29-05 03:05 AM.
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my first topical
the final fight sweat pours like salty waterfalls down past his eye brows drippin into his pupils,caint see my future out his eyes now to neveous to speak,to scared to talk, to even mention this butterflys in his stomach,flapping around a gust of tentioness sprit connected with his mind,now he only thinks with his soul his heart is like ice but it flames easily when lit like coal weightless to gravity,tries to stand up but its keepin him down screaming for victory but failure is the only one hearing his sound straps his gloves on,motive is blood for blood an eye for an eye prays to god,says he doesnt need extra strength,truth is thats a lie jumps up and down,he trys to shake off his before game jitters medatates his anger into his punches for his one hitter quiters spreads his invisble wings,steps into the arena hoping to take flight round one,its the begining of an end,the start of the final fight |
i dropped after 5 minutes of writing so i mean since you asked for this kind of battle i exspected you to be done by now
i just hope you show |
ill be done later tomorrow or tonight, but now that i know you didnt take your time i got this for sure
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The Final Fight We fight way to much, why it got to be that Way Everyday, I god mad from anything you would Say We always had to disagree on each others Decision I’d tell you jering supper, you needed your Nutrition You’d get mad at me, only cause im trying to Help Just cause we I live with dad, doesn’t mean im Out We’ve been through it together & there aint no End No Matter what, I’ll always call you my best Friend Even going through the fights, yet I really felt Sorry For some reason I only hit you for my own Glory I never thought of others, all I did was hate on You No matter what, you were always on me like Glue I hated when you’d eavesdrop on my Conversations You’d try and give explanations for the Situation I didn’t care I would just push you away from Me We never had time to chill, I was always to Busy I would make weird sounds, you’d get pissed Off You always were more annoying then an Moth There was no way to stop it, we’d always Fight Even in the best of times, I couldn’t bear the Sight |
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahha
you mispelled diner and got ha that was it? you said topical and you dropped some third grade material? was your final fight with your mom? |
lol i never ever said anythign about diner wtf? and if i spelt somethign wrong then my spell check on wordpad is wrong. and if you think you got this then your really make me laugh you had no emotion you babled about some waterfalls whats that? wheres your story, you had no imagery. your poem was straight wack. OMFG and you thought yours was better damn. i should win this simple 5-0 yes i called it. dont go d/ring now slut
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This was feedback posted for Parallel
checkin polls...
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ayyo uppin............................................. ...
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uppin.....
umm that was a meta4 dumb ass 14 years olds |
Voted For: oreo
okay... didn't really like either of your stories... Work on that... that's the key to being a good topical head. v/ Oreo... only reason that separated you two I thought was oreo's multi-end rhymes... and that was sparingly... Parrallel... sometimes your lines didn't even rhyme. How ever Parrallel you did do good on structure... but structure doesn't win battles. Very little imagery... the only imagry I got was in Oreo's anyways... metaphors... not much usage. Straight forward. If you two want to be any good at topicals you gotta start using a hell of a lot better metas and start rhymin' better and use imagry better. And for christ sake's get some good stories. Horrible battle... expected a lot better out of both of you and you both dissapointed. Go back to Word pad or whatever you use and start writin' and elevate more... cuz fuckin' Nemises could have beaten you with y'all using those verses. |
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