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Stanza vs Given Light
Battle Rules:
Topical Topic: The Tsunami Attack 20 - 32 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting No Dickriding Minimum posts to vote: 500 Check in by: 04-02-05 at 10:23 PM Must drop verse in 2880 minutes after check in. |
Stanza has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-30-05 01:45 PM.
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..:: Stanza ::.. Dear God, [b] [b]I Thought You Loved Me With All Of Your Heart Then Why Must I Suffer And My Family Depart These Waters Are Too High Please Lord, Save Me My Mom Is Gone & The Thought Of Death Is Driving Me Crazy Why Cant I see? Please Dear God Help Me catch My Breath I Can See The Light Of Hope But Yet I Can Feel My Death The Thought Of Knowing How And When I will Die Makes Me Sick to my Stomache, I Then Begin To Cry Then I see A Guy Who Held Out His Helping Hand To Me He Had a Glow To his Form That Was So Heavenly He Said "The Only Way To Have Hope Is To, Keep The Faith" Then I seen Him ......I Saw a Sudden Glance Of His Face I Remembered That There's A way Out of this Hell On Earth Its Not a Deathly Struggle Just a Graceful Rebirth Not A Rebirth of Body, But A Rebirth Of My Soul My new Rebirth Was Announced, But Yet Not Told My Soul Rejoiced as I Slowly Floated My Way Down Many were Gone In the Waters But Only a few Were Found Too Many Were Killed and Many More were Lost Dear God Of Grace & Mercy, Who Will Pay The Cost? Good luck :thumbup: |
Given Light has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-02-05 11:17 AM.
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The earth shifts, an inclusive metamorphosis of life A man sees various bodies waft by, sits down, and cries What happened to God’s beloved land, a downfall commences Not enough time for proper burials, bodies brimful in ditches A modern day apocalypse, the immense torrent all over Boats shattered, from fragmentary hurricanes, an eccentric disaster Tornadoes and twisters ravage the land captivating those unclean Was it how the prophets envisaged, our world has bowed bitter, and mean. People run, screaming for their life and loved ones, as they did not see The most terrible possible scenerio, coming out at them, off screen Was the Media to blame, did they destroy our once clean, kind world.. Who took all this information, this bullshit that the media hurled… Why would God turn his back on this most prosperous earth… After all it was him, the creator of all, who gave us the thirst.. The thirst for power, our thought provoking manners in which we deal Countless virtues, but most of all, he gave us our heart, in which we feel. Our thoughtless actions based upon our conscious, but now you see I am writing this, from the depths of my basement, can you be… The one who sets gods almighty wrath upon us to make us pay For the dilemmas we’ve caused, and our progressed delayed How can you say you are not, blame it on some one else is what you’ll do But can’t you fucking see, we are all in one, so if one fucks up, the rest are fools… |
This was feedback posted for Given Light
Good Job Writing That Verse....................................
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This was feedback posted for Given Light
Nice drop by both of you....
Bring home a win Given. :thumbup: |
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This was feedback posted for Given Light
checkin polls...............word..................
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i feel you have good imagery, but you really lack emotion.....great imagery, but yeah, plus i thought your approach was basic, did nothing special with it, and you repeated rebirth like 4 times, and that shouldn't happen......but not bad, topic isn't that flexible, i shall up this for you though.....given, i thought most of your lines were stretched, kinda forced, not your best i dont think, but again, topic was kinda dumb.....keep up, both of you
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Feedback appreciated.
UPP AND VOTE before I drop the n-bomb. Word, cause I'm damn crazy like that. I will vote on battles no matter what if you vote on this. |
O My Stars ...................... We're Still In This Battle ?
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Voted For: Given Light
Decent topical battle. Given Light: Aight, I think your rely on your vocab a little too much. The vocab really didn't mix well into your verse in the beginning, but it got better a bit in. Your storyline is average and not that original. Flow is good, however. You don't seem to have a lot of emotion in this, just doesn't hit me hard. Structure is fine. Your wording could be better, (hurled line) felt forced. Overall I think you need to work on twisting the subject a little more and try to throw some more multis in there. Stanza: The letter idea was ok, but not completely original. Your vocab was decent, mixed well in some places. I think this would have been better if you had made it a bit longer as well. Your flow fell off in too many spots, and it was noticable. Work on keeping your wording work with the beat (flow) you have going. Your emotion was decent, but started to fall off halfway through. Overall, decent battle, but neither one of you impressed me with your stories, vocab, or imagery. v/Given Light |
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