Constructive critisicm on my lyricism/poetry
 

irrisistable but ya heart remains cold
wit reason to believe when god made u he broke the mold
the finest girl ive ever seen.....
just cuz u look good doesnt mean u gotta b a ice queen
she injected cold blood through her veins
n' neva spoke about her own heart aches n pains

but i made my mind up a long time ago 4get these ho's when it came to rap'n & makin dough
i often try to charm mad girls like a nigga's name was vlad the impaler in reference to me they call me the original dro in-haler
try 2 b ballin with out a cause..... yellin at mo' ho's then that nigga santa clause

but we sip brew 2 weaken the sorrow of the constant struggles we always bound to face in the days of tomorrow

Lincoln's penny made brown for free'n the slaves, as i await repartions for days of pickin cotton unpaid
& The road to riches is more of a peak then a pathway
peoplegot time 4 money but only wanna c it come in the fast way :rolleyes:

your struct is all over....you don't need to always rhyme...its a little forced.......no need for slang unless it adds to it..otherwise your on a role...the good thing is you put yourself into it....

THANKS fORCEON THE CRITSICISM IT WAS BITS & PIECES OF MY RHYME BOOK, DO U THINK IT WAS COOL FOR UH 15 YR OLD THO

AND WHAT DO U MEAN BY STRUCT

structure....lol i don't mean to be a dick.. but up your vocab ...you have the idea just practice more...a good tip is write down everything you think.. and i mean everything ... then just take out what you don't like...but otherwise you have potential