Drug of Gradualism

had dreams of fathering a child, before i prepared for marraige.
having been neglected, i vowed against all careless parents.
promised id never embarrass...for my son, deserved better than slums.
wantin the best for this one, prayin for healthy hearts & veteran lungs.
cause medicine comes...easy, only for those who have steady jobs.
why i gotta struggle for my child's existance, blasphemy God!
dont ask me the cause...of my soul's conviction. its vanished.
i want answers, why do i feel so hurt without actual physical damage?
my heart wont quit its panic, damnit. i guess its true the good die young.
cause the conent of my boy's heart was pure, so why remove my son?
lemmie redo this month & warn wifey, drugs aint for the zealous.
to drop her addiction & pay attention as her body developes.
little did we know our newborn, would live less than a raindrop.
& three years to the day he was born & died, i cant let the pain stop.
i refuse to accept the loss & refuse to call my wife, for life is that fragile. (frag~ull)
for everyday feels uncontrollable, like a canoe without a paddle.
i lay drowned in tears, with such a thirst i drank my adam's apple.
& have knowledge that simple existance, is now the hardest battle.
my pulse trembles, slows gradual...my eyes shut & push out a tear.
fell from my knees to face, in front of his grave & held the flowers dear.

Drug of Gradualism
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Such a lovely innocent being, spoiled with tight hugs
With a pure and naive soul, unaware how to fight drugs
Ready to explore the world, tiny hands seeking around
No obstacles yet, biggest challenge is the playground
Who would've thought this child would soon be addicted
Guided to be succesful yet his freedom gets restricted
Learning to never take risks, living at a steady pace
Slowly going forward one step at a time, just in case
College awaits him, working day and night for that degree
Strengthened by the hard struggle for an admission fee
Locked up inside his room, focussed at a computer screen
Alone with his wisdom, ancients books, cups of caffeine
So gradually climbing up the ladder of life and love
Safe and secure, excitement is what he fell short of
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Tired eyes slowly closing, glass of whiskey in his hand
Questioning a path chosen even though it went as planned
Fought to reach this: nice house, cute kids, a good wife
Doubts running through his mind:"is this really my life?"
He once assumed taking things slow was the best way to go
Became a workoholic but now it came to a sudden plateau
They say he's too old to do his job how it should be done
Ambition is gone for that inevitable demise of age begun
Melancholic look on worn-out face covered with grey hair
Worry present in his gestures, gently rocking in a chair
Gradualism ruled his life, the next step has to be taken
A final act awaits for this drug he has finally forsaken