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hopefully this might get me elected for poet for this month...i wrote this for my gurl for her b-day on April 1st
Ima take a lil of ya time, to let u know that you’re fine A dime and I’m glad your mine My DAB forever, you and me together we too damn clever And my love for you is more genuine than leather Neva pleather Neva fake ish, you I’ll neva hit, only cherish And this I spit came from a bottomless pit called my heart Something that was once bitter and tart I don’t think your listenin... because of you and your eyes glistenin My chest starts tinglin What I’m sayin is that you filled the part that was missin I’m here to kiss away your tears Protect you from you fears I say this now so you can hear That I’m here fro many years Cause you make me feel as high as the atmosphere And when something may appear To be too severe I’m always near, and I always got your rear Your back, like a Jansport I think you still don’t understand That you work my sweat glands You make me tremble from the ground to my hands It’s that feelin you get when a plane lands I’m as serious as a heart attack Cause fake ish is wack And best believe, you and me are on the right track gangsta wit a heart WAT?! |
flow was good, vocab could be betta but i like da concept
overall- good shit and happy bday 2 ur girl |
good lookin, uppin
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Your flow was good, but it seemed you tried too hard to get the rhyme scheme to be perfect rhymes, although your words were very well written and thoughts were portrayed well, i think you should try a more free write approach and give yourself up to the pen,so to speak and just let your thoughts just flow out of you....i think this will be of help to you, but nice job,you have great potential..1
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good lookin ma
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uppin
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that i agree with 1000% you worked too hard on flow and not hard enough on quality here vocab was good at times but seemed strained as if it aint fit imagery could also be better here i think you should basically just let yourself flow dont try so hard and it will come more natural :thumbup: |
that means alot coming from u cali good lookin bro, its more of an audio thing
wen i was spitten it, i made so that it breaks every couple of seconds...wen i get it done ya'll hear it then ya'll will reelly have to critique me i love feed, good bad, it helps me elevate my game |
uppin
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checkin
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