F*ed up morning
 

I ran to school this morning with a knife,pissed off cause my cousin didn't fuck me last night/
I stabbed a security gaurd in tha balls,ran to tha girls locker room shocked at wat I saw/
It was a gangbang,all of em licking each others clits,the room smelled like buttermint and I think this morning I OD'd on tynedol pills/
I felt dizzy but said fuck it and kept movin,I saw a gum on tha floor,picked it up, and started chewing/
I went to the staircase and saw a gay kid with a ponytail,he smiled at me so I banged his head on the stairrail/
Kept banging till his brains fell on the floor,went up and saw the red-headed whore,I threw her on the floor and began to rape till she began to beg for more/
I stabbed her in the chest right between the breasts,looked up and saw my math teacher butt naked,He said happilly "the police know where your'e located"
Suddenly police came in and had me surrounDID,One of em came up to me and said "you goin to tha chair kid"/

I honestly find this to be the best verse I ever wrote...ya'll gotta feel it

Wow, man you need some help with alot of things, tthis just ran i could see you were trying to develop a story element but you need to brain storm your ideas, draw a circle, then draw lines leading to your ideas, down size your lines they are toooooo loonnnggggg, come up with a better rhyme scene, try some eternal rhyming and even use a thesarus. Keep trying though im not gone down you or nothing just keep trying, re-do this piece dont let the idea die.