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CriTiC vs mizz fyre
Battle Rules Of This Topical Battle:
10 Linez Min - 24 Linez Max No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting *(Tears Behind The Mask)* Good Luck 1~ Minimum posts to vote: 200 Check in by: 04-28-05 at 08:51 AM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. Closed - Expired / old battle win |
CriTiC has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-25-05 08:52 AM.
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mizz fyre has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-25-05 03:20 PM.
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stained by pain, mind consumed with emotion
rage incontrollable, staring down at the deep, blue ocean my hands trembling, tired, as weather conditions worsen hidden for to long, finally confronting my inner person happiness overrated "a new me" easily created mentally disturbed thats how the docters state it shocking memories of before, now friends i ain't got behind the mask i was liked, inevitably, now i'm not feel the rain lashing my face, my child i embrace tell her don't cry, y'know where goin to a better place hear the sirens a reminder someone out there cares too late, i'm unable to see clear, my visions impaired my daughters life spared, she can't be taken lay her behind me, ashamed, my fault she's shaken step forward the water exudes my painful reflection no more walking in shadows, i'm choosing my own direction no more striving for perfection, no longer in denial before i fall leave my baby with a lasting smile.......... |
Isolated by my peers no way to defeat my fears I ingest shrug off the tears, but inside I do care Can’t share the pain, no anaesthetic can reclaim The mental scar on my brain, the abuse I retain I long to regain sanity, have already lost my vanity I’m like water without gravity in a bubble like reality I no longer have an epitome but please don’t pity me It affects me physiologically, in a way you can’t see My minds been left eroded by the endless thoughts I create But I can’t seem to instigate anything when my mind dilates My brain tries to react but my tongues unable to translate That the drugs they force on me makes my heart pulsate My tears are of sorrow transparent like the rain Unable to reveal displeasure you think I’m insane I need to get out of here my family can’t read my pain Please remove the chains, and the mask’s bloody stain The other voices have left now, I’m now on my own I don’t know why I still here…… I want to go home |
Nice drop Mizz sorry bout the delay had writersblock all weekend,..
Stay up ma 1~ |
Voted For: CriTiC
Critic- Nice verse man, good flow. Imaginary was decent in your piece, putted alot of details in your verse. Emotion was Good also, i could feel what the character in your verse was feeling. Vocab is decent, nice using the right words. Wordplays was decent also. The angle you came was nice. Mizz fyre- Hmm not a bad nice, but nor also great. You had imaginary, but to me it was poorly weak, more basic too. The emotion though was good. Vocab needs to be upp a little. The flow was good. You came in a different angle that which was weak also. Overall- This is a nice battle, critic you had imaginary and emotion drawn in your verse, they were decent, have nice flow. Mizz fyre nice verse, but not so great, you had imaginary drawn in your verse also but to me it was poor, you need to create better images than that. I felt the emotion, it was nice. My vote goes to critic, for having good images, and good emotion in his verse. Mizz fyre, you had poor imagination, and that what lost you in this battle. Vote critic for having better imaginary plus good flow with good emotion. Critic RTF in a battle "Valor vs Line" Honest vote. Pz |
Thanx for the vote up~ing,...
Stay up 1~ |
Quote:
yeah yours was a nice drop to....stay up |
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Uppingggg please for votes,....
1~ |
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up up up uppppppppppppppinnnnnnnnnnn please......thanx
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